An Inner Monologue Of Going To Spin Class

Grudgingly pack the night before. This includes (but is not limited to): workout clothes, sneakers, socks, work clothes, heels, shampoo, conditioner, soap, razor, hair brush, hair dryer, flat iron, makeup, towels, toothbrush, toothpaste, breakfast, snack, lunch and laptop bag. Hate this the whole time you do it.
Set the alarm for 4:45am. Sigh, groan, and/or murmur an appropriate expletive while doing this.

Wake in confused disbelief when said alarm goes off. Snooze it and roll over in an act of denial.

When just enough time has elapsed so as to make getting to class on time painfully stressful, but not enough to write the whole thing off as a lost cause (think of all the time you’ve spent packing!) peel yourself from your blissfully comfy sheets.

Gather the carefully packed items from the night before. This is a good time to ensure you stub a toe, drop several items and bump into furniture because of your refusal to turn on lights at this hour. Scream or grunt in angry frustration (if there are sleeping people in your house, use the popular hissy whisper yell). Foot stomping is also effective during this stage.

Don’t waste time making sure you didn’t forget anything. You did, but thinking about it won’t help. It’s probably important though — sports bra, or socks. Or worse — real bra.

Carry all items to the car. Lament over how one person can possibly need so many heavy items for one day. Make sure your keys are entirely inaccessible based on the way you are carrying your gym bag, lunch bag, laptop bag, and extraneous personal items.

Eventually make it into the car with all the items (except that crucial one you forgot). Curse the unbelievable amount of time (2-3 minutes) it takes your climate control to correct for the painful chill or stuffy heat, depending on the season.

Arrive at the gym with minimal time before class starts. Drop any and all items at least once between the car and the locker room.

Spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get the locker to close around your stuff. Slam the locker in frustration, (in the worst case scenario, it will bounce back open in mocking rebellion, allowing for the repeated completion of this step).

Get to class after the best bikes are taken. Resign yourself to sit between the Heavy Sweater and the Noisy Grunter. If the only available bike is next to the Peppy Chatter, abort the mission altogether.

Rub your arms as you clip in and start pedaling, hoping to fend off the early morning shivers and yawns.
Shiver and yawn anyway.

Try desperately to get your tired muscles to keep up with the sprints and hills the instructor screams at you. Occasionally resent her enthusiasm and find her encouragement suspicious.

Gingerly climb off the bike and hobble back to the locker room. As you mop the sweat from your body and wring out your clothes, collapse on the bench in utter exhaustion and think to yourself, “Man, I love spin class!!” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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