Sometimes I find inspiration mid-conversation for blog posts that I could work on. I will take notes, stick the notes to my refrigerator with a magnet I found inside the washing machine in the laundry room, and when I feel inspired, write on the subjects. The latest thought I scribbled down was “Why do girls not like nice guys???”. I wrote this down when one of my friends complained about guy that she had been recently talking to. They both were aware of the fact that they were interested in each other, but had yet to act on those feelings. He was persistently texting her and asking to have lunch or dinner with him as soon as we returned to school from Winter Break. My friend became irritated with him and started complaining. She said that the fact that he kept insisting on seeing her was annoying. She then went on to say that she hated when he complimented her personality and how he never stopped talking about how kind she was and how intelligent she was.
Just as I was about to speak up and express how I was appalled by what she had just said, my other friend joined in and said “I can’t stand when guys do that”. These girls hate it when guys try to make plans with them and constantly compliment them on their personalities. Just let that sink in for a moment…
First of all, these are not the first girls that I have heard claim that they are annoyed by guys that try to make plans and compliment them and their personalities constantly. This is merely the most recent example that I have heard. In fact, I have heard countless peers make similar claims about how they feel towards these types of guys.
Second, before I even get into how unbelievable this all is, I should give a brief background on my experience with guys. The one guy I have actually been with never made the plans and almost never complimented me. I made all the plans and I did not receive compliments unless I complained about feeling inadequate. I find it fortunate that I finally realized how this was not acceptable.
Maybe it is the fact that I have not experienced a guy actively chasing after me, trying to make plans with me, or constantly complimenting me. Maybe it is the fact that my expectations are incredibly low in the guy-taking-charge-and-participating-in-the-relationship department. Whatever it is, I cannot understand why girls would not want a guy that tries to make plans with them or that compliments them.
Why would these girls not want to spend time with these guys? They are interested in them and I would assume they want to see them. So why are they annoyed by the fact that the guy is taking charge and trying to arrange this?
Additionally, as far as the compliments go, they are personality based. These are not based on looks or anything superficial. I can understand a girl being upset with a guy only complimenting her physical appearance, but personality compliments should be completely welcome.
My sympathy is with the poor guys on this subject. They are told that women want them to take charge in relationships and that women need to be treated with respect and kindness at all times. Trying to find time to spend with the girls they are interested in, where there is mutual attraction, is respectful and kind. Complimenting a girl’s personality is also a perfect example of this respect and kindness.
Too often I see girls being treated terribly in relationships. The guys expect the girl to take charge, make all the plans, and not be expectant of any compliments. A guy that would make time for a girl he cares about and takes time to formulate compliments in a way that boosts her self-esteem would be a blessing to any girl, at least he would be in my opinion (my backwards, unusual opinion according to these types of girls).
Moreover, since these guys are doing exactly what they are supposed to do, how are they supposed to understand where they went wrong in the relationship/flirtationship? (flirtationship meaning that they are both interested in each other and are aware of it, but the relationship is not defined yet). If a girl is annoyed by this behavior, how is he supposed to understand why? Being kind is not usually a problem, but if it was, what should they do to fix it? Not try to see the girl? Not compliment her? Is he wrong for being kind to her and showing her verbal affection?
My inner spinster is coming out right now and I will admit that I would love to be in this kind of situation with a guy. To have a someone interested in me, who actively makes plans with me, that compliments me on my personality, would be ideal. I cannot possibly imagine ever finding these qualities annoying.
I think nice guys should not be wasting their time with girls that are annoyed by their kindness. A guy that takes time for a girl and puts thought into the way that he expresses his admiration towards her is hard to come by. This rare type of guy should not be spending time with a girl that is not able to see how wonderful he is. He should be investing his time in a relationship where the girl is appreciative of his efforts.