Note: All of this only applies to smart, reasonable women who aren’t delusional enough to think he’s ever going to leave her for you. He’s not. They almost never do, and even in the rare cases when they do, and the two of you actually make an attempt at a real relationship, it will ultimately be doomed because you will never be able to fully trust each other.
That said, if you aren’t looking to break anyone up, or steal anyone’s man, but just want to enjoy being a part-time lover, here are some reasons why you might absolutely love it.
It’s incredibly exciting
Of all the kinds of chemistry you can experience with someone, there is absolutely nothing hotter than the forbidden “we really shouldn’t be doing this” sexual tension you have with a man who’s taken.
You feel so much sexier
Odds are, if he’s stepping out on his girl, he’s bored of fucking her. Or he wants you so badly that he’s going to sleep with you despite being happy with her. Regardless, no man will ever make you feel as desired and beautiful as the one who know he shouldn’t be with you, but is anyway. Being the other woman makes you feel awesome about yourself.
Whether it takes place over the course of one night when you first meet, or you know each other for months, there’s always that time before you give in where you really try to not sleep with them. Maybe you’re genuinely trying to hold back, or maybe you’re both just pretending to hold back because A) you want to appear to be good people, and B) the whole “oh no, we mustn’t” game is insanely hot – either way, those hours/days/weeks before you give in are the most intense foreplay ever.
None of the boring stuff
You know that feeling when you’re in a relationship and you have days where you just don’t feel like putting in the effort? Sure, you care about the person, but you really can’t get it up to, like, have a conversation with them, or pick up their dry cleaning, or have the mind-numbingly dull “what should be do for dinner?” conversation. Sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend means you get to be their shining escape from the monotony of monogamy, not a bored participant. That’s a very fun role to play in someone’s life.
No worrying about the future
You don’t have to worry that you eventually want kids and they don’t. You don’t have to have those agonizing “where is this going?” talks – you know where it’s going, which is basically nowhere. Eventually, the affair will lose its sparkle and you’ll be done. Case closed. There’s something so liberating about the simplicity of your arrangement, and something so light about considering all the strings you don’t have tied to you. You aren’t even obligated to have dinner with their parents when they visit because why the hell would you need to meet his parents? Let the girlfriend deal with their thinly veiled fondness for his ex. You don’t have to deal with any anxiety that comes with a relationship – you just get to be there for the part when he tries to take his mind off of it all.
It’s laid back
Who cares if you do or say the wrong thing, or have food in your teeth, or didn’t have time to shave? There’s a refreshing freedom to be human and flawed when you know all those little imperfections are overshadowed by the biggest turn-on of all: You’re not his girlfriend! That’s a pretty hard boner to deflate.
You have more time for yourself
Sleeping with an attached man means you aren’t obligated to see him except when you want to, and have time. He’s not going to be taking over your TV to watch sports when you want to watch Mad Men; he’s not going to be hanging out waiting to talk your ear off when you get home from a long day of work and just want some peace and quiet. “Oh, you feel like going to dinner right when I have yoga class? Call your girlfriend (and then call me later.)” You’re always free to say you’re busy and it’s no big deal, and even when you do see each other, he’s usually just in and out (get it?! I had to.)
You learn who your real friends are
You should always be thankful for experiences and situations that sort the ride-or-die, cradle-to-grave friends from the fake, flaky kind. True friends will have your back no matter what, even when you’re making morally questionable decisions. Your besties understand that you aren’t actually an evil, heartless monster – you’ve just finally found a relationship where you get everything you need, and give the other person exactly what they need. It just so happens that it’s a secret fuck buddy with a girlfriend. <shrug> Your real friends totally support you doing you.
You can skip the gym!
Nothing gets your heart rate up like contemplating the possibility of his girlfriend coming home early from work. Being the side-piece comes with built-in cardio!
Having secrets is fun
It just is.