25 Thoughts You Have When You Can’t Decide What To Wear

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  • (Puts on first outfit that comes to mind) “Eh, this is okay but we can do better.”
  • “Why don’t I have that closet computer thing like Cher in Clueless? It’s 2014. How is that not in every home at this point?”
  • “Why is my closet suddenly full of ugly, boring clothes? I really think I used to own cute clothes but I was clearly wrong.”
  • “Is *item I wear all the time because it’s one of the few things I own that doesn’t require great discomfort to look marginally decent* clean?”
  • (Standing in your underwear staring at clothes thrown around your room with no clue what to wear) “Shit, I’m going to be 10 minutes late.”
  • “I am a slimy, disgusting human for how long it’s been since I’ve done laundry.”
  • “Maybe I have time to stop at Forever 21/Urban Outfitters/Target and grab something cheap and cute on the way.”
  • “Did my boobs get bigger?” *Squishes boobs several times while turning to different angles in the mirror*
  • A mental calculation of all the people who could possibly be at the place you’re going including how much you care what they think of your appearance and how long it’s been since they’ve seen you in your “safe, go-to, amazing” outfit. Like, if your crush will be there and you know they saw you wear the same thing at a party last weekend, you absolutely cannot wear it, even if right now, it seems like the only thing you own that doesn’t make you look hideous. If, on the other hand, you wore it yesterday but ran into no one you know, you’re undoubtedly wearing it again.
  • (Looking in mirror) “Did I get taller? I think I’m taller.”
  • “Maybe this outfit will look better with different shoes/belt/jewelry.” *Spends 15 minutes auditioning every conceivable combination of accessories, none of which looks good enough*
  • (After rushing around trying on and rejecting 12 outfits) “I am so sweaty and gross right now, I basically need to shower again.”
  • “Fuck, I’m going to be 20 minutes late.”
  • “How noticeable is that hole?”
  • “Do I hate my clothes or my face? What’s the real problem here?”
  • “Are these jeans this tight because I just washed them or did I gain weight?”
  • (Looking at another completely wrong outfit in mirror) “I need a haircut.” *Wastes 10 minutes googling “choppy bob” images*
  • “Is this ‘classy slutty’ or ‘slutty slutty’?”
  • (After rejecting everything you own) “I’m becoming a nudist. After I get hotter.”
  • “I wonder if I can get away with not wearing/taking off my jacket all night.”
  • (Notices bit of old food on something) “Hmm, do I have time to wash this in the sink/use my hairdryer to dry it?”
  • “Is my roommate home? Maybe I can sneak into her closet.”
  • “Ugh, I already tried this on and hated it. I’ve been trying to decide what to wear for so long, I’ve forgotten what I’ve already tried. I’ve been doing this forever. I’ve literally never done anything with my life except try to pick an outfit to go out tonight. I will die in here.”
  • (Puts back on first outfit) “This actually looks kind of amazing. Why didn’t I just stick with this in the first place?”
  • (Rushing out door, looking back at the entire contents of your closet strewn chaotically around your room) “Personal vow: I will always go with my first outfit instinct because it’s always the best choice in the end, and I will remember that I’m confident and fabulous no matter what I wear.” (You’ve made this promise before. You will not stick to it.) TC Mark

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