Quirky girls are the best girls.

• Cutely nibble on their own hair until they have a giant, infected bald spot and develop a bezoar that requires surgery.

• When they see a squirrel make a gesture to another squirrel that almost looks like they’re talking like humans and she starts giggling and just can’t stop and then literally can’t stop and starts vomiting everywhere and can’t stop that either.

• Wear footie pajamas to their cat’s funeral. Pass you a note on scented Hello Kitty paper during the service that says: “I killed him.” And then giggle and say “Shhhh!” when you look at them after reading it.

• When they call in sick to work because they want to have a “BFF day” with their dog, which involves shaving off all the dog’s hair and gluing it to their body and waiting for you to come home from work and saying, “Arf! Come watch The Sound of Music with your puppies!”

• When they sweetly convince you to play hide and seek, and you never find them. And eventually, life goes on, but once a year, you wake up with a note on your pillow that says, “Come find me, love. XO”

• When they see a baby on the street and just have to stop and say, “Aww! I just wanna eat you up!” and then start sobbing and can’t stop and eventually have to be placed on a 36 hours psychiatric hold, during which time they stare at the hospital wall, sedated and drooling, mumbling softly about how they “just really wanted at least a bite.”

• When they make an Etsy store that only sells their homemade shirts: thrift store Christmas sweaters with racial slurs “ironically” written in glittery puff paint across the chest.

• The way they want you to fuck them with a ukulele every morning. Precious.

• When they do that nervous, anxious, totally endearing fast-talking thing on a date where they really like you so they just talk and talk and talk about college and picking a major and these “crazy” fights they had with their imaginary friend as a kid and after about 3 hours of this, words stop making sense and you notice she’s been slowly digging a salad fork into her thigh under the table.

• When you take a bath with them and they hop out and run from the room, giggling childishly (the resting state for a quirky girl), and say “Hold on! I have a surprise!” and come back with a bucket of ice and dump it in the tub and shout “I’m Rose and you’re Jack! Isn’t that water COLD?!” And when you try to jump out, they hold you down under the icy water, and sob softly and the last words you hear as your final breath leaves your body and everything goes dark is their voice whispering over and over, “I’ll never let go.”