1. Online subscriptions.
I have a monthly subscription to pretty much everything. Some subscriptions – Netflix, for example – I can’t live without. Seriously, I might keel over if Netflix ever abandoned me. Other ones, (Birchbox and Naturebox) I justify as little treats to myself. But, I usually hate everything they send me and it ends up being a waste of money. Then there are subscriptions like Hulu Plus which I seriously can never remember to cancel. Ever.
2. Cheap clothing stores.
Stores like Forever 21 and H&M are the worst. Either you find nothing and your bank account makes it out alive, or you end up leaving with 17 headbands and 10 cat sweaters. I don’t even like cats! You get carried away because everything costs about $11, but the catch is that you can only get store credit when you return things you realize you hate. Which means you’re just stuck with your poor choices forever.
3. Being single.
Being single makes me so poor. I can’t even. It’s the biggest suckage of my funds. I have to pay for all my own meals. I have to maintain my graceful good looks – hair, eyebrows, gym membership. Seriously. I even pay for my own drinks, a foreign concept to my friends in relationships.
4. My life as a semi-professional bridesmaid.
Dresses, makeup, gifts, traveling, parties, showers. Everyone is getting married. Everyone ever. I can barely cope with the fact that I’m the lone wolf at every wedding, let alone that you registered for a $279 juicer. Totes happy for you though.
It’s like, sure, I can make my own coffee, but I hate milk and refuse to buy it. And I really don’t know how to make a latte. Plus, every 12th drink, I get one for free. I can’t just let those 11 stars sit there with no purpose in life.
UGH. Target is the place where my self-control goes to die. You mean I can get wine, print pictures, buy a grandma nightgown, AND get $1 heart-shaped bowls for Valentine’s Day all in one place? I have literally spent an entire paycheck at Target before. My mom made me take everything back.
Ok. I’m not really the get-scammed type, but my friend is poor due to scams. She once gave a door-to-door “philanthropist” a check for $70 because he was talking fast. She thought she heard Boys & Girls Club. Except he asked her to make the check out to him, so…SCAM.
8. “I-deserve-this” presents.
Last, but far from least. I buy myself presents all the time. Someone is mean to me? Present. Bad day at work? Present. Birthday month? Present. Got my oil changed all by myself like a big girl? Present. All three of my best friends get engaged at the same time? I DESERVE A PRESENT.