I have a Tinder. I have tons of friends who have Tinder. These days, it’s hard to meet someone who hasn’t used it or some variation of it (i.e. Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge) at least once. Say what you want about the app but there’s no denying it’s shaped the way millennials date. Here are some of my all-to-relatable experiences while swiping:
1. The devilishly handsome dude that stops replying two days in.
Here’s how the story goes. You match with a perfect 6’4 man with an accent, a steady job, and a love for puppies. One second you’re exchanging banter and life stories and he’s asking you about your day. The next, he leaves your perfectly-crafted message hanging. What happened? Sorry girl, odds are he matched with someone closer to his over-idealized fantasy of what a woman should be. Keep swiping!
2. The boy with two or more friends in almost every picture.
Is it just me or do some guys like to include their hottest friend in their first Tinder pic? If this is actually a thing, let the record reflect that this is NOT an effective strategy to get more matches. Here’s an idea for the boys: make your first photo of just you so girls don’t have to dig through your pics solving the puzzle of which guy is you. Tinder isn’t supposed to be a brain teaser.
3. The seemingly innocent guy with the violating bio.
Sometimes while swiping I stumble across a guy who seems innocent at first. You know, he has a picture with his pals, maybe one with his mom or petting a puppy. So naturally, I’ll click on his profile only to find something violating like “looking for a girl to sit on my face” or tragically basic like “Saturday is for the boys”. Come on guys, it’s a couple words, it shouldn’t be that easy to mess up.
4. The dude who just doesn’t seem to give up.
Maybe you chatted with one of your matches before you decided you didn’t want to take things further. Big deal right? It is Tinder after all, the line of communication is pretty informal. Well, some guys just don’t want to take no for an answer and will proceed to send you a second, third, fourth, or sometimes even fifth, message. Most of the time, persistence an admirable trait. Tinder is not one of those times.
5. The guy pictured with a girl on each side of him.
I see this one all the time and it’s almost comical. I’m not sure what a guy is trying to communicate when he strategically chooses a picture surrounded by women. If he really happens to have a ton of girl friends, good for him. But if he’s trying to look like a “hot commodity” I think most girls can agree he’s completely missed the mark.
6. The dude whose bio is a little bit too much.
Unlike the guy mentioned above, this boy has a perfectly wholesome bio, but it’s just a little bit too in-depth. Boys: keep that bio to a minimum. A witty one-liner or a funny quote does the trick. Please don’t publish a short emoji-filled novel disclosing your life story, the exact traits you’re looking for in a woman, and your past traumas. It’s a bit terrifying!
7. The hottie whose third picture is him at the shooting range.
This might just be me but nothing turns me off faster than a guy touting a giant gun. First of all, what is he compensating for? Also, I don’t care if he’s an 11/10, if he’s a proud member of the NRA a date with me just isn’t in the cards. Another version of this is the “proudly holding up a dead deer” picture. It’s gonna be a no from me.
8. The Financial Analyst.
Ok, so this might just be a Boston thing but I swear every other guy I swipe past works in the finance industry. Typical traits for this guy include: pastel-colored shirts, a picture with his bros at the bar, and a shirtless pic on a boat.