I Am Willing To Risk Everything For You

Girl taking risks
Unsplash / Riki Ramdani

Among all the things I tried to explain, you were the one I couldn’t. You came into my life like a meteor, a big one at that. And yet when I think about it, you were more like the first shooting star to ever light up my night.

There was no explanation as to how you came into my life and why you had to be the one, but there you came, without any warning. And little did you know that you would leave a big crater in my life forever.

Like a galaxy, your inner beauty was both a wonder and a mystery. The more I talked to you, the more I discovered new things about you. As time passed, I would start to pick up the small bits and pieces that made you up. Some were easy to put together, others would keep my mind up all night just trying to fit the pieces together.

But together, they swirled to form the bigger picture, and it was beautiful. It would be all that I ever hoped for, and it was as if all the stars and the suns aligned right where they should be.

The thought of you would take up every inch of space in my brain. Sometimes they were sweet dreams and other times, you would be a black hole inside my brain, sucking everything inside my brain up, for better or for worse. The thought of you made me want you so bad, yet it was those very thoughts that scared me.

I always asked myself if I should reach for the stars or stay on the ground in case I got burned. It would be a question that I would never be able to answer. It would be the greatest conflict that existed in my all my years of living on this Earth. No it wasn’t college, or my homework, or even my future. It was you.

Sometimes I would think of pressing the button to start the launch sequence for liftoff. I always knew the journey would be long and perilous, but I always stuck to the hope that I would find new life on your star.

I knew that if I could get that close to you one day, I would have no regrets. The thought of life kept me from giving up on you. To one day be able to truly share my life with you was the dream. It motivated me to make myself a better person so that when the time came, I would be good enough for you.

Other times, I would just think of steering clear in case I burned up in your atmosphere or found no life. I’ve had plenty of these what-if moments, and these are the thoughts that made me keep my distance from you to this very moment.

I knew the risks I was taking, but sometimes I questioned whether the risks would be worth it. Sometimes I was afraid that if I invested in you too much, I would end up hurting myself.

Even the thought of our lives inevitably ending up on a fork on the road was already painful and likely. I didn’t want to leave you, or maybe, I didn’t want you to leave me.

Oftentimes I wasn’t even sure if your star existed and that I wasn’t simply persisting in delusion. There were days where I thought that you didn’t even want to see or talk to me — and those days scared me.

Even today, the day I write this, is one of those days. The uncertainty is high, and so is the risk. But I know there is no formula that will explain whether or not you were the one.

And I know there will be no scientist or astronomer able to explain your existence in my life. It’s times like this that you have to follow your instincts and follow the brightest star in the sky; and right now, you’re the brightest star I have.

Who cares if I get hurt, who cares if I’m not good enough, and who cares if I burn up in your atmosphere. I know I’m scared, but if there’s anything scarier than all this, it’s never being able to tell you how much I love you.

So there’s only one thing I know I’ve got to do, and that’s to reach for stars and hope I get you. Even if I get hurt, even if I’m not good enough, even if I burn up in your atmosphere, the journey would have been worth it knowing I got so close to you. TC mark

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