1. Taking cabs to work. I’ve been trying to stop doing this for four years. But it’s just so amazing when I’m dragging my cold ass to the subway on a winter morning, and I see that glistening “vacant” light on an oncoming taxi — my mind is like, this cab was meant for me. I should take it. It’s luck that this cab is empty right now. I mean, it’s rush hour! And then $15.50 later, I’m stuck in traffic and $13 poorer than I would’ve been if I’d have just taken the damn subway. I will stop hemorrhaging money for a warm car and take public transportation like the rest of this city.
2. Ordering salads off Seamless. If there is one thing NYC overcharges on, it’s SALADS. I swear to God, I go into Chopt for a salad with like four ingredients and I’m paying $15. For lettuce. And onions. And some cheese. And it just gets worse when you order delivery because there’s tip and oh my god, you could make that salad in three minutes yourself and $15 would provide you the ingredients to make salads for the next week. This year I will end the tyranny. I will make my own salads.
3. Getting the 10-minute chair massage. This one kills me. Every time. I pop in for a manicure and then they just love to throw in, “10 minute chair massage?” as I’m paying my bill. My mental dialogue: “I mean, my nails are still wet. May as well get a massage while waiting for them to dry. And you’re stressed. You had a hard day. You deserve it.” Cut to 20 minutes later, I’ve doubled my time and am now paying 30 extra dollars for my nails to dry. The nail salon seriously owes me dividends for this. I am so envious of those of you who can just get a manicure and LEAVE.
4. Buying unnecessary crap at the drugstore. I don’t think there’s ever been a time I’ve left a drugstore with only and exactly what I went in there to buy. In fact, sometimes I just go in to “browse” in case there’s anything cool and new I might “need.” Somehow every time I leave, I’ve spent $45 on candles, Clorox wipes, magazines, fancy shampoo, astringent because I’m gonna try to do more of a “holistic skincare routine now,” and diet Snapple — LOTS of diet Snapples. This is unnecessary and must stop. I literally have eight different fancy skincare products in my medicine cabinet and I still use the cheap one I bought two years ago.
5. Leaving my laundry in the basket after it’s clean. Laundry is hard and stresstful, right? The last thing I want to do after I’ve lugged that basket of 50 pounds of clothing up and down my apartment building is to actually sit down and put it away. That’s crazy talk! I’ll do it after this episode of Homeland. Except you and I both know that will never happen. I will instead pick clothes from it for work. It’s like a fun grab bag — what will we find today, kids?! No. FOLD YOUR LAUNDRY. PUT IT AWAY. That way, you won’t face the inevitable which is half of your clothing becoming too wrinkled to even wear. Not worth it, guys. Be the hero. I vow to do the same.
6. Not fixing holes in my clothing. I’ve had a snag in one of my jackets for literally a year. I look at it a lot. I think to myself that I’m sure there’s a place out there, in this wide city of New York, that could fix said snag. But who? And how would I even find them? Google? What do I google? “Jacket hole fixer”? It just seems a lot easier to leave it there. I’ll tuck it away and only wear it if I’m desperate. Or if I have a scarf that can cover it. In 2013, I will FIX my damn holes. I will stop wasting perfectly good clothing that could easily be re-sewn because I’m too lazy to find a way to fix them.
7. Waiting til the last second to refill my prescriptions. This may not apply to you, but if you take a daily medication and are reliant on that medication, FILL YOUR PRESCRIPTION AHEAD OF TIME. In theory, sure, you could do what I do and wait until you have half a pill left and hope you get home in time from work to pick it up from the pharmacy, but you won’t. You’ll get stuck at work. You won’t be able to get it. Or you’ll be forced to run into the nearest pharmacy to your office and beg them like a drug addict to give you 1 pill to hold you over because the withdrawal is terrible (anti-anxiety meds do this, I promise I’m not a complete degenerate.) In 2013, I will call ahead of time. I will be an adult.
8. Forgetting about my loyalty cards. I probably have a “loyalty” card to every other establishment in New York City. Nail salons, grocery stores, drug stores, lunch places, yogurt shops, you name it. And I can’t tell you how often I forget to give them my card to punch off my purchase, which will ultimately lead to a FREE something. Free manicure, free carton of milk, free soup. Apparently I think I’m made of money and can just nonchalantly ignore these cards. I know it’s a pain in the ass to dig through your wallet to find these cards and you kind of feel like an ass to the person behind you who’s waiting (probably with their cards all ready to go on their keychains), but in 2013, I won’t care. I will do it. I will find the card and save the money.
9. Buying bottled water. Okay, I know sometimes this is inevitable. You forgot your water bottle, you have a work out to get to. In those instances, it’s okay. But I’ve literally found myself buying bottles of water to avoid washing glasses in my apartment. I know that’s gonna get me a LOT of shit but how nice is it to have a perfectly cool, full bottle of water ready and waiting for you for a mere $1.49 than to have to wash your glasses, fill the Brita, store it in the fridge and wait for that perfectly cool glass of water? I mean, I have a 24-hour Duane Reade across the street. It’s so easy! This needs to end. I’ve probably spent about as much money on bottled water this year as I have on my electric bill. NO MAS.
10. Purchasing stuff off of private sale sites. This is my worst offense. Oh, Hautelook is having a 90% off blow out?! These earrings are $20 when they retailed for $200? I NEED THEM. I NEED TO OWN A $200 PAIR OF FAKE GEMSTONE EARRINGS. That dress is $15 when it retailed for $300? DONE. Except, that dress never fits just right. I don’t need ANOTHER pair of crappy earrings. And when these items ultimately arrive and aren’t what I wanted or needed, I will never return them. That’s a lot of effort. Printing a return shipping label, taping up the box, finding somewhere to drop it off. I guess I’ll just keep the earrings and the dress that doesn’t fit. Maybe I’ll tailor it one day. HAHA. See #6. I will NEVER tailor that dress. In 2013, I will TRY my clothes on before I buy them. I will stop buying cheap jewelry that I’ll never wear. I will save for quality pieces. (Except when H&M has their annual sale because sometimes I just need $15 old man sweaters and that will never change.)