7 More Times OKCupid Made You Lose Faith In Humanity (NSFW)

It’s a truth universally acknowledge than a single woman in possession of boredom and a desire for good writing material must have an OKCupid account. Seriously, that place is a gold mine for great laughs and nothing you could ever remotely take seriously. Now, believe it or not I have had some nice dates off there, and even though things didn’t necessarily work out I’ve made some great friends from those outings. But then, however, you have these, eh, gentlemen that you see below.

Guys, if you use OKCupid to meet girls, I’m legitimately curious: Leave me some comments and let me know what the creepiest things you’ve ever received on there are (or on any dating site). I’m eager to know how the other half online dates.

1. Death by Cunnilingus

OKCupid
OKCupid

One, it’s supposed to be lick me real well. Not good. Grammar is hot. Two, yeah, OKC is a hook up site. But does this line really work on anybody? No judgment. Just curious.

2. Consent is Sexy

OKCupid
OKCupid

You know, there’s nothing wrong with domination or BDSM or anything of the like between consenting adults. Second verse, same as the first: No judgment. But the only thing I see at the heart of this message is emotional abuse with a side of Stockholm Syndrome. This lovely human being depicted above deactivated his account before I could ever respond (or it was shut down by OKC for sending too many horrible messages like this). It’s a shame. I would have had so much fun belittling his psyche in return –or in his words, wasting his time. Six of one, half dozen of another.

3. Oral Fixation

OKCupid
OKCupid

This whole thing sounds like a Childish Gambino song. Just saying.

4. If You Like It Then You Should Have Put a Ring on It (But Please Don’t)

OKCupid
OKCupid

Well. This escalated quickly.

5. Wait…what?

OKCupid
OKCupid

I don’t quite know what you’re asking for. But yet again, no judgment bro. No judgment.

6. At Least You’re Honest

OKCupid
OKCupid

Points, dude. Points. There is something to be said for honesty. Good luck man! May you find someone whose toes you can suck to your heart’s content.

7. Keeping Him At Arm’s Length

OKCupid
OKCupid

Now, would anybody like something the size of an arm shoved up an orifice of their body? Logistics, man. Logistics. TC mark

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