I have a massive CD storage binder in the backseat of my Camry.
My breath reeks of Starbucks coffee.
Polo Ralph Lauren
I have a very conservative ideology mapped out by my Father.
My parents drove me here.
The going price for plaid is 64 dollars.
I’m a real asshole to play sports with.
I am never farther than 2 months away from a Jack Johnson concert.
H & M
I have no idea why this shirt is inexpensive.
I think that Scott Van Pelt is a God.
I don’t know how grass gets trimmed.
I’d apply hair gel even if I were bald.
Life is a Rave, and I am the Glow; it’s time for another group photo.
I play wayyyy too much soccer for my age.
I wear heavy boots in the Summer.
I really don’t care how wrinkled my shirt gets.
I think that 55-year-old man walking his Golden Retriever is dressed nice.
I stopped trend-hunting in 1991.
I came here straight from high school.
My mom said I could get anything I wanted from JCPenney.
All day I dream about saying something to a girl, but then don’t.
My boss wears Van Heusen.
I was on a boat once.
I spent three years trying to become a Magician.
I don’t know what color my pants will be tomorrow.
This shirt was 6 dollars. Fuck Off.
My testosterone level is somewhere between Mark Wahlberg and “Mountain Gorilla.”
I play basketball in windpants.
It’s always Spring Break somewhere.
This shirt makes my arms look even skinnier.
Life is a beach you wear shitty cologne to a place where you open beer bottles with your flip flops.
I’m looking for a chill Roxy gurl who digs my bike pegs.
I’ve shaved everywhere.