To The Last Woman I’m Going To Love

I apologize in advance for not being my whole self when I meet you. I’m still trying to piece myself together, and I hope you don’t see me as too fragile.

I might seem too timid at first, but I hope you’ll take an interest in knowing more about me. Please give me time to express myself because coming out of my shell has been terrifying, and going back inside and isolating myself yet again has been an unfortunate routine.

I could sound a bit too cheesy, but that’s just how I am. I’m afraid of being too straightforward because I might hurt your feelings. Saying jokes and cheesy lines is somewhat a defense mechanism, and it’s my own way of easing my mind and calming my nerves.

I’ll take you to places you’ve always wanted to go to. I’ll show you how vivid colors can appear if you’re here. I’ll let you hear how birds sing so wonderfully when you walk past them. I’ll make you feel how adored you are as branches bow down and sway towards your direction.

We’ll listen to your favorite songs under the pale moonlight, dance to every beat, and sing to our heart’s content.

Looking at the stars on the roof might also be a good idea, seeing as the sky’s glow upon your face would be nothing short of perfection.

We’ll stay by the seashore until the sun sets, and watch how something can be so sad and beautiful at the same time. Your eyes, glinting at every blink, sucking all the energy I could possibly muster. At that moment, I would suddenly be powerless.

We’ll watch your favorite movies and lay in bed under the sheets as I stroke your hair and tell you how beautiful you are under the nightlight. And afterwards, we’ll stay up until morning and share our deepest secrets and fears.

We’ll laugh, cry, and shout until we’re almost out of breath. I’m sure waking up next to you would render me vulnerable. I want to hear your heartbeat and the soft melody of your soul, its sound keeping me alive.

You’re not obliged to text and check on me every now and then. When you’re with your loved ones, spend quality time with them. And when you’re with me, we’ll do the same. I respect your time and I don’t want you to feel like I’m controlling you.

I can’t guarantee that I’m not going to make you cry. I probably might, but believe me, it will never be intentional. What I can promise you is that I’ll be there, through the good times and the bad times, especially then. Even if you push me away, I’ll always find my way back to you. 

I may be broken right now, but I can be fixed. I’m on the process of healing and the cure has yet to be found. This constant yearning to be better and appreciated has been plaguing my entirety and I think I can’t endure it any longer. You are my remedy, and slowly but surely, the cancer is unfurling throughout my being.

I don’t believe in forever because it’s immeasurable. But I do believe in always. It’s as sure as the sun rises and sets. It’s as definite as the rainbow after a heavy downpour. It’s as certain as my love for you will be. Always, in all ways.