I Can’t Hold A Cup Of Coffee Without Thinking About You

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Sunday afternoon found me sitting alone in the corner of the coffee shop we used to spend our time in together, rather at ease. Or so I thought.

I ordered my usual pick-me-up: a regular-sized matcha green tea latte and a sliver of blueberry cheesecake so as to get me through another week. Perhaps itโ€™s a bit foolish of me to have gone back there, what with all the memories the place has for me, and the recollections I have yet to put behind me.

I still go back to the spots where we used to lay, where youโ€™d lie down in my lap while I stroked your hair and painstakingly counted your eyelashes.

I still visit the places where we used to meet, hoping one day if the fates would allow, I would run into you again. Maybe Iโ€™d ask you how life has been treating you, and subtly say how you look beautiful. Apparently, all that time apart would have done you well.

Maybe thereโ€™s still a part of me that wants you back. Perhaps not now, God I hope not. Iโ€™m a mess and most days I look hideous. I canโ€™t even take off my sweatpants for crying out loud. I canโ€™t eat right, and my appetite has gone crazy. I think I may have lost a little weight, but the burden of letting you go still haunts me to this day.

Maybe until now, I still wonder how your day goes. I think about all those times when we would wake up next to each other with our bodies intertwined, when not even a ray of light could pass through us because we were so close together. You werenโ€™t a morning person, but your face just lit up when I roused you with a kiss and a cup of coffee.

Coffee.

Itโ€™s funny how caffeine played an important role in our lives. How it used to liven up our loneliest days. How it used to be our go-to drink whenever we would snuggle and watch a movie while covered in sheets. How it unknowingly led us to each otherโ€™s hearts.

Oddly enough, Iโ€™m using coffee right now as a distraction. To divert myself from your charming face. From your radiant eyes that held me captive for God knows how long. From your luscious lips that stole my heart the first time I laid my eyes on you. From the entirety of your being. From you, my love.

How strange it was, having gone back to the coffeehouse where we first met. Maybe I wasnโ€™t there to run away from you. Maybe I didnโ€™t return to get you out of my system. Maybe I longed for the warmth of your presence once again.

Maybe once and for all, I just wanted to go back home. TC mark

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