I Miss Everything About Her

Unsplash, Quin Stevenson
Unsplash, Quin Stevenson

I miss your hair. I crave the smell of it, and how it gracefully swayed with every move you made. It was like poetry in motion. I can’t stress enough how stunning you looked, no matter how much your hair was in disarray when you woke up.

I miss your eyes. Those dark brown eyes that captivated me the instant we met. I can’t quite remember how many times you caught me stealing a glance at you. Each time, I found myself embarrassed, even more so when you would smile as if nothing happened. And then I was back to stealing another, and another, until staring at you was more than what my eyes could handle.

I miss your smile. How that simple curve could make everything straight and unbending. Your smile was as precious as the vibrant sun after a heavy downpour. It has always given me hope, and it seemed like I could face another day with ease, with you by my side, hands held tight.

I miss your hands. How their softness and warmth heated up mine during the coldness of the night. I may not have said this before, but every time we held hands, it was as if I was brought to my safe haven — paradise would be an understatement. I couldn’t have felt more secure. As long as we were shoulder to shoulder, life didn’t seem so bad.

I miss your shoulders. And the comfort they so amply gave. When troubles hit me hard, it was your shoulders I always wanted to cry on. And suddenly, it would feel like it was Spring, with your fragrance giving a scent of a new beginning. Then all at once, you gently kissed my sorrows away.

I miss your lips. Those sweet, luscious lips that got me through my toughest days. Bit by bit, your lips became an addiction, and the cure has yet to be found. I long for your kisses. And you whispering sweet nothings in my ear would easily be the death of me.

I miss the entirety of your being. Your existence was a gift from above and I wanted to selfishly hold you tight in my arms, and not let anyone get a grip on you. But ironically, little by little, I let you slip through my fingers.

I might be going crazy now. Perhaps, I am. I have missed you so much that I’ve been going out looking for you, even though I know I won’t find you. I stroll along the park, imagining that all of a sudden, you will appear from behind a tree, with open arms, running towards me.

I’m not crazy, but the truth is I always end up going to the same coffee shops and bookstores that we used to go to, hoping that you will come in at any moment, apologizing for the delay.

No, I’m not delusional, because deep down I know that it will be awhile before I’m with you again. I want you to know that I will be waiting for you with all the strength of my spirit, all the energy of my soul, and all the passion my body can carry.

I can’t bear being away from you any longer. When I’m far from you, time seems to slow down, the hours become tedious, and not even a good glass of wine can make me feel better. I can’t wait to be with you again, face to face, to be able to touch you and kiss you tenderly.

I’m still sane, but the fact that I might never see you again terrifies me. It’s like mental and emotional torture. The feeling is downright insufferable.

Pandemonium could easily break out in my mind. My insides are burning from a fire I never intended to ignite. I feel like I’m going to implode. But I don’t have to worry about hurting others. The shrapnel of my flesh won’t smash into anyone. Because there are no “others.”

It has always been me, and me alone, since you’ve gone away. It’s been a long while since you left, and I’m still left here, waiting for something that will never return. But don’t you worry, because I have no intention of leaving. You will forever be my ray of sunshine, and I’m a sunburn. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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