What is blue balls?
Basically, “blue balls” is intense sexual frustration that comes from having sex denied or interrupted. It sometimes actually manifests in physical pain, as many of these blue ball stories bellow attest, too. Urban Dictionary calls Blue Balls “the excruciating pain a man receives when his balls swell to the size of coconuts because of lack of sex, unfinished bjs, and just not cummin when he knows he should.” Pretty much. Someone who frequently invokes blue balls is comically referred to as as a producer in Smurf porn.
If you want to get rid of blue balls? Well, it’s simple: Just wank it.
Blue Balls Horror Stories
The following blue ball stories have been gathered from all over the internet. Click the number for the source material and read them to fully understand the true meaning of blue balls.
1. They are too painful to even touch: The worst times are when you get blue balls that are so painful that you can’t wank or have sex or anything to relieve them because they are too painful to even touch. Even when they are just swinging through the air it causes pain.
2. It came as a fuckin’ lightning from clear sky: as far as I remember I’ve just had blue balls one time. I was at my ex’s place, we were alone so we were going for hours and hours. she gave me head couple times without me cumming. later on her dad arrived so we had to stop, tho he didn’t notice nuthin. maybe an hour later I had to leave, so walking with her towards the subway it came as a fuckin lightning from clear sky. never had such pain in my entire life. I had to stop and breathe for a couple minutes, she was wondering if something was wrong but I said I was fine. so we continued for the sub n with about 50m left we could see the train arriving, so I had to make a run for it. motherfucker. thought I was gonna faint on the train.
3. I went three months and couldn’t take it anymore: Okay…here goes. I wanted to see how long I could abstain from masturbating (just like any other guy….obsessed!). I went three months… true story… When the 3rd months hit, I seriously wanted to rip my house apart with my bare hands – I couldn’t take it, anymore. So, I went at it. Not only did I almost drown, but my balls were swollen and hurt, so fucking bad, for three days. I literally couldn’t move or walk. I was punished for being a good boy! Three days for three months – not fair. Thank you and have a good morning!
4. I could barely walk: I was at summer camp. In the woods there was this girl, I thought “yes I get to lose my virginity” I have a rock hard boner and she decided it’s funny to walk off, man it hurt so bad, I couldn’t even jack off for like another 4 hours, I could barely walk. I could feel the pain in my lower abdomen too so I walked kind of hunched over for the better part of 2 hours. So imagine me in pain, and her laughing, then me limping to the bathroom and walking out fine. It was fucked up.
5. I thought they were going to explode!: I’ve actually only had it really bad one time. I was with my GF at the time, and we were making out it my bathroom. I know that’s weird, but I used to share a room with my little brother, and he was in there, asleep, inadvertently cock blocking me while he was off dreaming. But, me being the hopeless, inexperience romantic (see – tool) decided not to go past 2nd base, because I didn’t want to ruin a real good night with a girl I really cared about. So after the longest make out session ever, she got picked up at like 5 am (I had to sneak her out before my dad woke up). The pain was intense, even when I was…taking care of it I thought they were going to explode!
6. We spent the day just making out. I was hurting!: Had been seeing this girl for a few weeks. We’d made out and done everything but full-blown intercourse. She came over one weekend and we spent the day just making out. I was hurting! Finally, we were about to go at it, but with the pressure, I knew I wouldn’t last long. I asked her to go down on me first as a way to release the pressure. It worked. Holy shit. I’d never cum like that before. Would have gotten a fist bump from Peter North.
Bad news is it got all over her! She wasn’t expecting the explosion. It was like a one man bukkake. She wasn’t pissed…. but we didn’t fuck till the next day.
7. Suddenly I feel something brush across my crotch: Cousin was telling me about this chick he started dating and how he got started and then she threw out the caution flag on him, kinda made me laugh and think about my worst ever night of with that type of thing.
So I’m 19 back home for the summer and just got done with work. This chick who I was hanging with a lot calls me around ten o’clock… she was a little intoxicated and wondered if I would give her a ride home. She is my friend’s little sister and she was always a tag along and that’s how I got to know her and I actually really liked her but she was still in that young goofy 16-year-old phase but I kinda liked it.
I pick her up and she says “maybe I should just stay at ur place so my parents don’t yell at me when I get home” I scratch my head a little and say hmmm OK. we get to my place we jump in the sack at around 1 o’clock. I had to work at 7 in the morning. We were talking and whatever and the thought crossed my mind but in no way did I think it had a chance of happening. well we talk for about a half hour and I’m getting tired when suddenly I feel something brush across my crotch…. At first I was thinking ok “blow the whistle… .. offsides on the defense… but wait there it happened again. The next thing I know she has turned sideways toward me and her leg is going up and down my front.
She was such a good-looking girl, and when I finally get my thoughts together I turn towards her and as I do she turns and lays on her stomach. I stop. wait about 5 seconds which seemed like ten minutes and said “what the hell was that”?
she says sheepishly ‘just wanted to thank you for the ride…. can you rub my back some so I can fall asleep easier.”
WTF WTF WTF don’t do that to me O jesus this sucks what am I gonna do grrrrr fuck fuck shit. was about what ran through my head. That was that we fell asleep and I took her home the next morning.
8. I have to lay there while this throbbing erection bores into my soul: When I went to PSU, my best friend was attending Seton Hall, so we tried to hang out with each other over breaks and stuff since it was just a 3-hour bus/car ride away. On fall break, I went there and he said “hey why don’t we go to NYC for the night”, which obviously is where his girlfriend went to school. I was hesitant at first, but once he said that she lived with 7 girls, I was good to go. I figure, with 7 college freshmen in a loft in NYC, I’ve gotta be at least a 60/40 to get some action. I was right, as one chick took to me right away and we hung out all day and stayed in that night. She had a great body but a butterface (and she apparently was a bit of a cokehead, so her nose was even worse), so once the lights went out it was like I was with an 8. She asked me if I wanted to go to her room and watch a movie on her computer which was some horror thing I believe. We made out for a while and then moved up to her bed where she changed into her hot-girl pajamas (tank top and short shorts with no panties. mmmmmm) and I took off everything except for my boxers and we started up again. After a few minutes I started to service her for damn near an hour. After I concluded that she was sufficiently out of breath, I started putting her hand on my crank, which at this point has been rock hard for at least 2 hours. She gave the most half-hearted attempt at a rub and tug and then turned back around and asked me to give her some more. I was like “say whaaaaaaaaat” but she said please and at this point I still had a glimmer of hope that I’d be able to get something out of the deal so down I went again. When I came back up, I tried to press the issue but she declined and said she didn’t “do that kind of stuff the first night I meet a guy”. I was pissed. She cuddled up and went right to sleep.
So, now, I’ve had a hard on for almost 3 hours, this girl is clearly done with me, so just go to sleep right? Nope. I’m a horrible insomniac and can’t fall asleep next to someone unless I’m 100% comfortable with them (thus, not the first time meeting them). So I have to lay there while this throbbing erection bores into my soul. I try to get up and take care of it myself but there are 8 girls and my buddy in the house and one bathroom (and it’s somewhat obvious by looking at me what my affliction is), so that’s a no go. So, I have to lay in bed for 8 hours with this chick sleeping next to me + a rock-hard member. Awesome. In the morning, my buddy opens the door and says that we have to take off for the train in 5 minutes, so I get up to get my clothes on and the girl wakes up and is like “do you want to fuck now?” I was so pissed that I almost said no but….come on now. I threw on a condom and it was like I was 15 again. Needless to say, we made the train with time to spare.
9. I had an Eiffel Tower for at least 45 minutes during the rubdown:You guys probably read my thread on the ex-gf issue of getting over her. So after we broke up and had sex twice, she gives me a call one night, saying she is tired of working out and needs to shower, wants to hang out, etc. So I say, shit, come over and shower with me (I got a big ass shower) and she says okay, I’ll just bring my stuff and we will shower and I’ll stay the night. Well she had stayed the night before this and we had slept together, no kissing, no hand holding or any of that shit (which sucked cause I dated her for 18 months ) and then she dumped me, fucked me, but wouldn’t hold my hand or kiss me. Which blew cause I still loved her, yadda yadda yadda. Ok, so she comes over and we hop in the shower, she asks me to rub her down so I’m rubbing her tits with soap ( best feeling in the world imo ) her ass, rub her crotch a little, then she showers me off and I’m like ready to get out? she says yeah. So I grab the towel and head for the bed thinking we’ll hop right into it. She stays in the bathroom and puts on her clothes… wtf? So then she comes into bed after I put just my gym shorts on and she asked me to rub her, so I do. I’m rubbin her legs and stomach, get her nice and horny, etc for like hour and half at LEAST. Then I go for the gold slippin my hand down there and she turns away.. I flip out. I’m like WTF is your deal. She’s all I am too relaxed right now and I don’t want to have sex with you. I still love this girl so I’m not gonna bust it out on her face or anything right there. But I think that was the first time I’ve ever been pissed off about not being laid. Needless to say I had an Eiffel Tower for at least 45 minutes during the rubdown where she would rub me a little while I was rubbin down her tits. GG couldn’t even jerk it. blue balls ownz me
10. My painful blue ball fantasy crusher: This was a situation where I not only got blue balls, my fantasy crushed, but all my friends got to watch me go down in flames.
I am in the Air Force when this happens and I’m TDY in Alaska so I’m about 23 at the time clubbing with at Chilkoot Charlie’s with a bunch of friends. Nothing much is going on just drinking having a good time and dancing with random girls. Well I get off the dance floor and walk upstairs to get another drink when these two very attractive women stop me and ask “is it true it’s every man’s fantasy to have sex with two girls” I’m shocked but try to play it off cool and go “I don’t know about every guy but of course it’s one of mine” So they say cool come dance with us.
Fantastic, so now I’m on the dance floor with these two very attractive girls and my friends are on the side just watching wondering wtf is going on. well they put me in between them and start kissing on my neck, rubbing all over my body. I’m in shock loving this not knowing why this is happening but I’m not going to stop the ball. Well the girls keep rotating around and they are kissing on me, kissing on each other and rubbing me and rubbing each other, we do this for about 4-5 songs then as they are kissing each other they stop and say to me “you know something we actually don’t need you” then they walk off the floor and leave me there with fantasies shattered and my friends laughing their asses off.
If I was ever going to go on a violent tilting rampage that would have been the time. I don’t know who I pissed off for this to happen to me but I was bitter the rest of the night a mean prank was pulled on me and I was in a new town where I wasn’t there long enough to piss off anybody.
That was my painful blue ball fantasy crusher.
11. I started getting a horrible pain under my right testicle: When I was 13 years old, I would fool around with my girlfriend at the time. We’d get hot and heavy, but since I was still involved with my extremely conservative Christian family (and the school I went to had all these messages about the sins of the flesh) I would always skirt the issue of going all the way. This disappointed my girlfriend (to whom I am retroactively sorry). So, after multiple intense dry humping sessions and getting worked up, wringing my hands and heaping ashes on my head, I started getting a horrible pain under my right testicle. One morning I woke up, and it hurt really bad. I told my dad, and he asked if I thought I needed to go to the doctor, to which I replied, “Yes.”
He took me to the hospital so I could see the general practitioner. She asked what the pain felt like, and I said it was like an ache that went all the way up my body to the back of my right eye. She examined me and ordered an ultrasound. A very professional nurse wearing gloves applied a cold jelly to my testicles and rubbed a microphone-shaped orb on my scrotum. The doctor came back with her diagnosis and spoke to me privately, without my father present. She told me I was completely fine and nothing looked out of place; however, she asked if I masturbated at all. I said, “No.” She said I needed to start and that if I don’t masturbate this kind of thing could get way worse. I was pretty taken aback, since the doctors’ orders to masturbate conflicted with the word of God. I went home and promptly relieved myself. I can honestly say that moment is my locus of questioning religion.
12. It feels like brutal gas in your balls:It starts deep in my undercarriage and radiates there for hours. Pain medication only dulls it, and it will come back the next day. Standing sucks. It feels like brutal gas in your balls. I went to the doctor once for it, and he said I was dreaming up this pain and that it was all in my head. He said there was no reason I should have pain like that. I’ve mentioned it to other doctors, and they always shrugged it off or made some dumb joke. The pain is real! I’ve never talked about it with other guys, but I have discussed it with my wife. The problem is once the pain comes on there’s really nothing she or I can do to help it.
13. So bad I could not even sleep on my side:I always thought blue balls was a myth. I even asked the sex ed teacher at high school. He said it was not true. I found out otherwise when my high school girlfriend gave me a blowjob in the driveway of her house. Before I could finish (and I tend to have stage fright), the outside lights of the house came on. We packed it up quickly, and she gave me a kiss goodnight. (By the way, I’m still with this girl today.) Anyway, I got home and was pretty hard, but I went inside and tried to go to bed. Next thing I know, my pecker was throbbing in pain. I decided to pound the pope in hopes of relief, but nothing. Throbbing was still there the rest of the night, so bad I could not even sleep on my side.
14. I nearly puked it hurt so bad: The day I lost my virginity.
Had rode a four-wheeler to her house to hang out (not old enough to drive yet).
We’re in her room, door shut, slide up her skirt and start doing things. At no more than five minutes in I’m getting close, I’m about to bust and her mom opens the door.
Her mom acts like she didn’t know what’s up but immediately starts making plans for us to go to her niece’s bball game.
I nearly puked it hurt so bad.
To every female rant about how blue balls are a lie?
I’ve had them.
Yeah, some guys probably just bitch to get sympathy head… but it happens for real too.
15. I had freaking intense blue ballz: One time, I hooked up with this chick at a school field trip. this was halfway through the day. after that, I was under constant supervision, and I had freaking intense blue ballz. so I get dropped of back at the school by the schoolbus, and I’m thinking “finally I get to go home and relieve myself of this pain” but no. I get in mom’s car. we had to stop to go to the grocery on the way home. it was a total of about 5 hours before a was “fixed” and you know how the pain just gets worse and worse? Yeah.
16. It hurt like a bitch: Recently my girl and I were hanging out driving around. She starts to feel me as she is driving, I don’t worry about it cause I was not driving. well we get to the store and it hits. well we meet some friends there. all in all 4 hours went by and it hurt like a bitch. after that though she finished me in her mouth so it made up for it
17. It’s like getting kicked in the balls: This one time, I was with my girlfriend and she was giving me a blowjob, but unfortunately her dad started coming down the stairs and I zipped up my pants before she could finish. Afterwards I was stricken with a massive case of blue balls. Hurt like a bitch, it’s like getting kicked in the balls, no joke.
18. Blue balls at the rock show: I went to a concert about a year ago and met this one girl. We hooked up in the pit and she started to jack me off but then got into the crowd and the blue balls set in. The bass was excruciating so after about a half hour we wandered off to where she could fix it, she was about to go down on me when some cops came over and were like what are you doing? So basically we got kicked out and my phone had died so I couldn’t get in touch with the person still in the pit who was supposed to give me a ride home so I was stranded there til about 130 am, not fun lol
19. It was all good for a while. Then the pain set in: I’ve had blue balls 3 or 4 times, but the only time I can remember with clarity was when my gf at the time decided it would be a good idea to rub me off under the blanket on the couch while we were in a room of friends (yes I realize this is kind of gross) watching a movie. Anyways, after I while I get paranoid and start thinking everyone knows what’s going on so I told her to stop.
I was all good for a while. Keyword, a while. Then the pain set in and I sat through 30 minutes of the movie before I was just like fuck it and went to her bathroom and fapped.
20. It feels like your balls have swollen with jizz: Basically, whenever you’ve been in the middle of some sex act (sex, head, fap) and have to stop in the middle, the blood vessels in your testicles constrict and trap a large amount of blood in the area. It feels like your balls have swollen with jizz, but that’s not actually what happens. The only way to relieve this is to…well relieve it…like…by finishing, which enlarges the blood vessels.
I’m not 100% sure, but it’s something like that.
21. A sharp pain in my lower abdomen: I got them a couple of months ago. Basically, I met this girl at camp. The next night, when everyone was watching this singer-songwriter dude perform, she came up behind me and basically straddled me from behind. I knew it was her without even looking behind me, but I did, anyway, and I was right. It’s at this exact moment that my penis decides that it’s a great time to get a boner. And it stays that way for a while. Obviously, I couldn’t do anything about it. So, the boner eventually stops, but it’s replaced with a sharp pain in my lower abdomen that’s identical to the one you get a few seconds after getting kicked in the nads. I ended up getting to sleep after several hours of pain, and thankfully, they were gone the next morning.
So, yeah, a really lame story, but a really bad case of blue balls.
22. My dick was slightly bruised from her riding me: Once, while really fucking drunk I fucked this chick in her car. I however was too drunk to really feel much so we fucked around for a while and I didn’t even feel close to blowing my load. After fucking and sucking we just decided to fall asleep. I woke up the next day, my dick slightly bruised from her riding me, hung over as hell, and I had to ride my bike home then go to work for 11 hours.
23. My groin was starting to hurt: during 8th or 9th grade me and my friend were picked to go run some errand.. ended up going into some small storage closet together and she let me play with her butt and boobs and stuff. she didn’t touch me back or anything. we got back to the class and had an assembly the next period during which I had my hand in her pants the whole time pretty much.. didn’t finger her or do anything like that though, just felt around.. my anxiety that day was outta control so I didn’t have it in me to try and take it a step further than what happened. this stuff happened throughout the entire day and by last period my groin was starting to hurt from minor epididymitis or whatever you call it
got home and came a bucket but everything hurt afterwards
24. The worst case of blue balls I ever had: So last night I go to see this girl and we had no house or real comfortable place to be alone. So we just went in the back of my car and I only planned on hooking up w/ her (didn’t think anything else would happen in the backseat) until she asked me if I had my condoms. Of course I’m always prepared for the best so I’m like ya and seconds later we go at it. This is my second time ever having sex and it was the second time with her (so ya I’ve only had sex with her) and the last time we fucked I came after like 20 mins and she didn’t come but said if I kept going for a little longer she would have. Well last night I almost busted after two minutes but slowed down for a sec as to not have premature ejaculation (I seem to have pretty good control) and then kept on going. After 5 minutes of fucking really hard she came, but I didn’t. She kept asking me if I was almost there every for the next two minutes after she came until she said the four-letter word STOP. So, because I’m a respectful guy I stop and say what’s the matter. She’s like I already came (which I knew she did from her shivering and moaning) and it hurts too much now. I later found out that this mean that she dried up after cumming and it hurt because she wasn’t still really wet (even though the outside of the condom was sopping when I pulled out). SO she felt bad and tried to go me head. After about a minute she started gagging and spit up, which I must say was one of the biggest turn offs. She said my pre-cum tasted too bad. Anyway sorry to drag the story on, but I drove home and eventually went to sleep with the worst case of blue balls I ever had.