What is it that I miss?
Do I miss her presence? Do I miss the way she walks into a room? Do I miss our shared memories? Do I miss our connected truths? Do I miss the warmth of her touch? Or do I miss the smile she gives me that comforts the soul? Do I miss our conversations? Or do I miss our arguments? Do I miss the way her hair flows in the breeze? Or how I’ll find her hair in my sheets? Do I miss the feeling of belonging? Do I miss being held? Do I miss sharing my most secret vulnerabilities? Do I miss our adventures, road trips, and staycations? Do I miss the sex?
Do I miss her?
I think I do.
But I have to move forward and accept that our paths aren’t meant to be down the same road at this time.
I miss her, but I have to move forward.
I miss her, but I need to use this space to create love and acceptance for myself.
It’s time to let go, I often tell myself, thinking I’m romanticizing the past. But maybe I am.
What is that I’m actually yearning for?
I yearn for companionship and the connection that comes with it. I yearn for affection. I want to be accepted, loved, and felt in the most vulnerable and nurturing manner. I want someone to be able to peel back each layer and see the inside of who I am.
I miss the void in my life that she left me with, but I need to pour into myself. My heart was left tender with a desire to heal.
But I do still miss her.
Some days more than others.
I can’t help but wonder if she misses me too.