5. I Wish That I Could Talk To Animals/I Wish That Animals Could Talk
If animals could talk, they would say the same five to ten things over and over again, most of which would be complaints or requests. I would love to hear my dogs say, “I love you!” I definitely wouldn’t hear that as much as I would, “Feed me,” “Walk me,” “Throw the toy,” “Pet me,” “My ear itches,” and, “There’s a squirrel in the yard.” The conversations between dogs would be even worse. Can you imagine listening to two dogs gossip about what the buttholes of all the dogs at the dog park smell like or comparing the tastes of different types of garbage. No thanks, I’ll pass. I feel like dogs would be the best conversationalists of any animals because at least they share similar experiences as humans. What would a cow talk about? Grass? Water? What about a cat? How much disdain it has for you? How it does things just to spite you?
4. I Wish That I Could Read Minds
I promise you that you do not want to read minds. You would immediately lose all respect for humanity and feel like complete shit about yourself. Do you really want to know what people think about you? You would, and it probably wouldn’t be good. Think about how many negative things you think about others throughout the day, even if momentarily. I’ll bet you thought someone’s shoes were ugly or that they would be a lot hotter if they had bigger boobs, just to give some examples. You think negative things about everyone, even the people you love the most. Everyone does. Now imagine that you knew every negative thought anyone had about you. You would be a wreck. Even worse, you’d discover that everyone is pretty much entirely self-interested and always has an ulterior motive. You’d never believe that anyone was being genuinely nice ever again. They want to get in someone pants, or they want a promotion, or they want everyone to think that they’re nice because that’s the image that they want to project. Even people who eventually make the right decision for the right reasons internally debate making the wrong decision for the wrong reasons. It would be impossible to completely trust anyone at their word ever again.
3. I Wish I Was Immortal/I Wish I Couldn’t Be Killed
There are many potential problems with this wish. First off, if you don’t specify that you would be immortal without aging, you would eventually spend eternity in a 100-year old’s body (or worse), and that sounds really fucking terrible. Even if you get to spend eternity at the peak of your youth and health, it will end badly. Everyone you know and care for will die. Everyone you find to replace them will die. That cycle will continue. Eventually, humanity will be extinct and you will be all alone. Eventually, the entire universe will collapse, and you will be left floating in complete nothingness with only your thoughts and no new sensations or experiences. That would be completely torturous.
2. I Wish I Was My Own Boss
I’ve been my own boss. There are definite plusses and minuses. On the one hand, you are theoretically in control of your own schedule, “company policies,” and how you do things. In actuality, you have far less control of your own life. You are completely dependent on others. A major customer decides that they don’t want to pay you. You don’t bring in any income. You want to take a paid vacation? You can’t because you don’t get paid vacation. The truth is that you’re never really off the clock. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you are always thinking, I could be making money right now. Being your own boss isn’t generally lucrative, either. While you can obviously make the most possible money from owning a successful business, the chances of your business actually being successful are very small. You’re much more likely to pour all of your energy and soul into working for yourself and end up with absolutely nothing to show for it than you are to strike it rich.
1. I Wish That I Had Unlimited Money
Unlimited money sounds like it would be amazing, and in many ways it would. You basically could do whatever you wanted for yourself and anyone else. You would essentially “have it all.” Therein lies the problem. You would have it all. There would be no challenge at all in anything for you. You could literally buy anything. You wouldn’t really ever be able to accomplish anything, and even if you did, people would just ask why you didn’t pay to have it done for you. Your accomplishments would mean less as a result. Sure, you could help people. With unlimited money, you could theoretically give everyone in the world unlimited money. You know what would happen if everyone had unlimited money? Money would be completely worthless. Society would completely stop functioning and mass chaos would ensue until a replacement was found for money. In that case, you’d go right back to being poor again after having essentially caused the apocalypse. If you only helped some people, you would be playing God. It would be like, “You get my blessing, but YOU don’t get my blessing.” That would either destroy you with guilt or with power. Even if you only helped your friends and family, eventually they would all just become leaches, sucking off of your limitless wealth. At some point, the relationship between you would inevitably become poisoned as a result. You’d be turning the people you care about into people you didn’t and probably destroying their character. None of that sounds pleasant at all.