There’s nothing wrong with having an inflated opinion of how cool you are. I certainly think that I’m the coolest. An inflated opinion of yourself can make you more confident, more secure, happier, and as a result, actually cooler. All that being said, some people have such an inflated view of themselves that you just want to take a big ass needle and pop them. You know the type, people who just think that they’re the shit when they’re actually just shitty. Excessive arrogance is frustrating enough when you have something to back it up, but it’s just awful when you don’t. Here are 10 people who definitely aren’t as cool as they think they are. Please don’t be any of these people.
1. The girl who’s actually an 8 but thinks she’s a 10.
I get it. You’re hot. You may even be really hot. You get hit on wherever you go. You get free stuff all the time. Guys always pay attention to you. Hell, there’s probably a waiting list of guys who want to date you. What that really indicates is how pathetically desperate guys are to get laid and how shallow and superficial we can be, not how attractive you really are. There are girls who can get pretty much whatever they want from anyone because they are so gorgeous that men are incapable of resisting their charms. It’s not fair, but it’s just the way it is. You, however, are not one of those girls. You may be able to get whatever you want from many guys, maybe even most guys. There are limits to your hotness, however, because you’re just not that hot. Develop a personality and some interests, please, and stop acting like you are the greatest fucking thing in the whole world. Also, please stop acting like I’m going to do stuff for you because other guys are desperately trying to get in your pants.
2. The hipster who uses a VCR to watch movies.
When you listen to a record, you hear a noticeably different sound than what you get from a CD or audio file, and the sound is typically better. When you watch a movie on a VCR instead of a DVD, Blu-Ray, or Netflix, you get shittier picture quality, shittier sound, you can’t skip scenes, and worst of all, you have to rewind when you’re done. There is no reason to still use a VCR unless it’s to watch an old family tape or something else that only exists on VHS. You don’t look cool. You look like someone who is so obsessed with looking cool that you are willing to have a shittier experience to look cool, which is the exact opposite of cool.
3. The high school kid wearing a Misfits shirt.
Don’t get me wrong. The Misfits are a great band. I love me some Misfits. I just can’t get over this feeling that you don’t like the Misfits’ music, you just like the admittedly awesome skull-face logo and the word Misfits. How many Misfits songs can you name? How many Misfits songs do you know the words to? Were you even alive when the Misfits finally called it quits for good? You certainly weren’t alive when the Misfits were putting out their better material. I have two major issues with the Misfits shirt. First off, you are obviously trying to express that you are different than the other kids and that you’re some sort of individual who doesn’t fit in with society. Unfortunately, you are choosing to do so in a way that thousands and thousands of other kids just like you have been doing since the early 1980s, which seems to be the opposite of what you’re going for. The Misfits were a cliché when I was in high school 10-plus years ago. They haven’t gotten any less cliché. Second off, I guarantee that you have called someone a poser at some point, probably followed by a haughty laugh. Not only do I despise that term generally, if anyone fits the description it would be you.
4. The guy playing guitar shirtless in a public place.
You want girls to think you’re some sensitive, artistic guy who wants to sing them the song you wrote about them. However, you are clearly just a douchebag trying to get laid in an annoying and fairly pathetic way. If you wanted to sing a girl a song you wrote, you could do it in private, where only they could hear. I know that I certainly don’t want to hear your terrible lyrics and the three chords you can play. Also, I know a ton of guys who are actually sensitive and artistic. None of them go shirtless in public, even at the beach. Put the guns away, bowboy. I’ve seen how big you are. This town is big enough for the both of us. On a side note, you’re not a poet. I know that you’re going for the Jim Morrison thing, but I’ve read his poetry. He may have been a “poet,” but he was an awful one.
5. The guy with the ironic mustache who actually thinks it looks good.
I love facial hair. I typically have facial hair. I also enjoy an ironic mustache from time to time. They can be hilarious. Here’s the thing, though. They’re funny because they look terrible, and they show that you do not give a shit about how you look or what people think of you. They don’t actually look cool, hence the irony. Some guys do wear them for the funniness. However, I know that you pretend like you think it’s funny, but I can tell that you are very proud of your mustache and you secretly love it. I can see it in your eyes, the little twinkle of pure joy when someone comments on how “awesome” it looks. I hate to break this to you, but they mean it looks ironically awesome and aren’t secretly confirming what you feel in your heart.
6. The girl who says she can drink as much as a man but can’t.
I know girls who can drink as much as a man, and some that can drink much more than most men. There are women who can drink me under the table and into the bathroom. Unfortunately for you, you are not one of those girls. You loudly brag to the bartender, the guy that you’re with, and basically the whole establishment that you can keep up. With each shot, your bragging gets louder and more slurred, and it becomes more and more apparent that you clearly cannot keep up as well as you think. Whatever guy you are trying to impress or prove wrong is a little bit drunk, and you are a total train wreck. I don’t see anything wrong with you being completely shit-housed. In fact, I think it’s hilarious, though it’s probably embarrassing for you. But it clearly shows that you cannot handle your booze as well as you think you can, or as well at that man, and you just made a complete ass of yourself by trying to prove that you could.
7. The person who corrects other people’s grammar.
This drives me fucking crazy. If someone is talking, they are just going with the flow. They’re just spouting out what’s in their head. They don’t need to be grammatically correct. You understood what they were saying. You know that if someone says they did good that they mean that they did well. You got the gist. You’re not trying to educate them. You are trying to impose your weird, pathological need for correct grammar upon them. You are trying to make yourself look smart and proper and make them look dumb and boorish. You are making it look like you have a gargantuan stick up your ass. Even if bad grammar truly rankles you down to the deepest core of your being, let it go. That’s your issue, not theirs. Plus, you are damaging a relationship with another human being. Do you even realize how much people hate it when you correct your grammar? I guarantee that the average person hates their grammar being corrected just as much as, if not more than, how much you hate bad grammar. As long as I’m ranting about grammar, ain’t and y’all are words. I don’t care that they’re not in the dictionary. I don’t care that you don’t say them wherever you’re from. I’m from the South, and ain’t and y’all are words here. Deal with it.
8. The rich, over-50 guy who still dates girls in their 20s.
Sure, you have money, and sure, you can do whatever you want with it. If you want to throw it away chasing girls who there is no way that you could ever hope to have an actual, genuine connection with, that’s your business. It certainly doesn’t make you cool, though. It makes you look: A) sad and lonely; B) like the only value you place on women is their physical appearance; and C) like you can’t get a girl based on your personality and looks, only with your money. Maybe it’s just a personal thing, but I wouldn’t want everyone whispering behind my back that my girl is only with me because I’m rich and she’s a gold digger because that is what EVERYONE is saying behind your back. EVERYONE. There are plenty of smoking-hot old rich ladies that spend their divorce settlements on yoga and gym memberships, so it’s not like you don’t have age-appropriate options. I guess you want to have a “trophy” to brag to your rich friends about, but there’s just something really gross about objectifying another person like that, no matter how truly awful that person is. Plus, I don’t really think that girl is a “prize,” anyway. Well, maybe she’s a “booby” prize.