7 Things Guys Do That Make Me Embarrassed To Be One

Flickr / Quinn Dombrowski
Flickr / Quinn Dombrowski

With a few rare exceptions, guys are not especially refined creatures. Almost everything that we do is in some way gross, immature, or emotionally handicapped, all of which is generally quite hilarious to me. I’m a big believer in being yourself, and if that means that you do moronic things, I’m more than willing to laugh at you.

There’s a lot of latitude in Guyworld for all sorts of behavior, most of which doesn’t impact me in the least. There are certain things that guys do that make my skin crawl, however. I’m not saying that all guys do all of these things, but whenever a guy does, it brings shame upon our entire gender.

7. Catcalling

Catcalling is stupid. Catcalling is offensive. Catcalling creates an unfriendly environment for women. Catcalling is very unsettling and aggressive. Why do you feel the need to loudly and publicly express your interest in every woman who walks by? Why do you feel the need to insult someone who doesn’t reciprocate your interest? Why would someone reciprocate the interest that you obviously show to everyone who walks by? Has any man in the history of time ever had a single consensual sexual encounter as a result of catcalling? Even if that has been the case, which I doubt, the ratio of successful catcalls to ruined days for the women subjected has to be somewhere approaching 1 to 1 billion. Don’t tell me you’re being nice. The jury of every woman I have ever known has reached a verdict. It’s not nice; it’s aggressive and creepy.

6. Being Overly Persistent (Creepy)

I understand that you like the girl. You think that she is just the perfect girl for you and there’s none better. Great. She obviously does not feel the same way. If she did, you wouldn’t have to keep trying. Please stop approaching her at her cubicle every day and lurching over her. Please stop with the endless train of pathetic attempts to make plans after your earlier attempts have been politely avoided. Please stop trying to make grand gesture after grand gesture. And please, please stop telling EVERYBODY how much you love her and asking why she doesn’t return your love. None of this is going to get you anywhere. It’s making her uncomfortable and making you look like a loser. Trust me, I’ve been the overly persistent nice guy before. If I could go back in time and slap myself, I would.

5. Refusing To Use The Term “Girlfriend”

Commitment is scary. Sure. You don’t want to make promises you can’t keep. I get that. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and you’ve got several hooks out at once. Fine. Even assuming all that, what is the deal with the extreme commitment phobia? What does the title “girlfriend” really mean? That you are going to hang out with someone more days in a week than you aren’t, text them three or four times a day, and not bang anyone else? That really doesn’t seem like much of a commitment. If you’re a rock star or a professional athlete, sure maybe you’re going to be passing up on a different girl every night. If you’re a medical student and have 15 minutes of free time a day, I understand that is probably more time than you have to spend. But if you’re the other 99% of the male population, at absolute most, having a girlfriend for three months may cause you to miss out on one one-night stand and a bunch of evenings playing video games in your underpants. Calling someone your girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re going to get engaged. It means that if it doesn’t work out after a couple of months, you are obligated to have a potentially awkward conversation and part ways. And shouldn’t that be the bare minimum you owe anyone you sleep with more than once anyway?

4. Thinking That All Girls Are The Same

Here’s a news flash. Every girl is looking for something different. Every girl likes different things. No two girls are the same. What works with one girl will fail miserably with another. I especially hate any comments along the lines of “You’re not like other girls. You’re different.” No fucking shit, they’re an entirely different person than anyone else. Do you go around telling guys that you meet, “Dude, you’re different from other guys? You’re like, not an asshole. You don’t like the exact same stereotypical things that stereotypical guys always like”? Do you know why you don’t do that? Because you recognize that all guys are different from you. Maybe if you took the time to learn the difference between whatever concept of “women” you have in your mind and what actual women are like in real life, you wouldn’t have so many problems dealing with them.

3. Getting Grossed Out By Tampons And Periods

News flash. Girls get periods. Guys don’t. You cannot catch periods. Periods won’t turn you into a woman, give you cooties, or whatever your exact fear is. A period is not an affront to your masculinity. It’s just a perfectly normal part of life that is just something that happens, like eating or breathing. What’s more, periods aren’t even that gross. It’s just a little bit of blood and uterine lining. Do you flip your shit every time that someone sneezes? Because that is much grosser than a period. Don’t even get me started about not wanting to have sex with a girl when she’s on her period. Not wanting to go down? I get that. But no sex? Yeah, no. It’s really no different. Are you afraid of getting blood on your little friend? That can happen any time you have sex. An extension of the fear of periods is the fear of tampons, which is even more ludicrous to me. An unused tampon isn’t even gross AT ALL. It’s just a piece of paper. Would you freak out about a newspaper touching you? Than why in the fuck is it a big deal to touch an unused tampon? Why is buying tampons a big deal? Nobody is going to think that they’re for you. They’re going to think, this guy has a girlfriend/wife/daughter that he cares about. That’s it. Get the fuck over yourself.

2. Thinking They Need To Trick Girls To Get Laid

Every man and woman is different, but on average, women want sex just as much, if not more, than men do. I fail to understand the desire to “trick” girls into having sex. Something about it just seems so … icky. I understand that there’s a game, and you certainly don’t want to put all of yourself out there at first. But you can be honest while trying to hook up. There’s a difference between telling the whole truth and lying, and the line isn’t even that fine. You’re missing out on a chance to form a genuine connection with another human being, even if it’s just for one night. Here’s the other thing I don’t understand. Do you honestly think you can trick a girl? Girls are not stupid, even when they are pretending to be, especially when it comes to social interactions. Girls are so much better at mind games that it’s not even funny. When you were learning how to dribble a basketball, girls were learning how to tear their best friend apart while making it seem like they’re giving them a compliment. Girls see right through your bullshit. Whatever your lie is, they see right through it. Unless the girl is really, really stupid, I promise you that any girl who has “fallen for your game” in the past was actually just playing along to get into your pants. You, sir, are the one who’s getting played, and you’re looking like an ass in the process.

1. Making The “I Want To Fuck You” Move

I try not to use the word “hate” too often anymore, but I really hate when guys open up a conversation with a girl with “I want to fuck you,” “How about you blow me,” and anything else of that ilk. Please, please, please stop with this. Stop doing it on Tinder. Stop doing it via text. Stop doing it in person. Just stop. There are so many things I hate about this. While I understand that for the most part that chivalry is dead, can you put the barest minimum effort into being a gentleman? Just a little tiny bit? You’re trying convince a girl who is presumably not a prostitute to sleep with you, so why are you trying to make her feel like a whore? In virtually every case, women would greatly prefer to be treated with the respect that they deserve as human beings. Besides all that, it’s pretty fucking obvious. I PROMISE you that if you are talking to this girl, she knows that you want to fuck her. Girls are very, very aware of what guys are after, and they are not dumb. You telling her that you want her body is not bestowing her with some great enlightenment. She did not think that you wanted to limit your relationship to polite conversations and gossiping about girlfriends. She knows what you want. Finally, it’s a weak sauce move that DOES NOT work. Get some fucking game. TC mark

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