Losing someone we love is inevitably hard. After so many perfect moments, how do we take a step back and see the flaws that caused the end of a relationship? There’s self-blame and never-ending questions that go unanswered. It felt so right once. Why isn’t it right anymore? However, it is important to let go- a piece of advice knowingly easier said than done. Yet, we must remind ourselves of the following:
1. Someone who leaves you didn’t truly value you.
Whatever the reason for a relationship’s end, if someone walks out of your life, he or she didn’t see you as something worth fighting to keep. Life is full of twists and turns, unexpected surprises. But, if someone makes the choice to walk away from you, then this person didn’t appreciate all that you were. You deserve someone who will. Think of all the love you poured into someone, all the things you did to make this person happy and feel cared for. If someone chose to leave that then let go.
2. You cannot change a person.
A relationship presumably ends, because two people didn’t quite fit. Remember doing puzzles as a child and being so sure that two pieces went together only to find you were close, but not quite there? You’d become frustrated trying to mash the cardboard together, but alas they weren’t right. Relationships are not so different. We think this person fits us perfectly- that they are “the one.” But, upon closer inspection, they’re not quite right. Your personalities clash, your values are too different, your life goals too far apart. You need to find someone who fits. You cannot change that dam puzzle piece and you cannot change a person either.
3. When one door closes, another opens.
When a relationship ends there’s heartbreak, but there’s also possibility. At first, it seems impossible to imagine loving someone else, but you will. Slowly you’ll begin to find that you will be able to care for someone this strongly again. There will be a time when another door opens and someone new walks through. Embrace the fact that life is an adventure and new opportunity awaits.
4. You’ve gained important knowledge.
You’ve learned from this. You now know what doesn’t work in a partner and what you need to be happy. A failed relationship teaches you what’s important to have in the next and what cannot be repeated. Maybe you need someone who can communicate better or is more willing to consider you when making important decisions. Whatever it may be, we learn something from each person that appears in our life. Learn from this experience, holding on to the good memories and treating the bad as teachings.
5. You gave so much to someone, now it’s time to give to you.
When in a relationship, we tend to focus a lot of our time on another person. We think of what will make them happy, what we can do for them to make life just a little bit easier. Now, it’s time to do all these things for yourself. Take some time to reflect on what makes you happy. What can you do for you that nobody else can? Is it taking an adventure? Placing more time on your hobbies and interests? Redesigning a space and making it your own?
Whatever it may be, do it. Love yourself and then when you’re ready, take a deep breath and jump into something new.