I believe that each friendship has a different purpose in life.
You have your “girl-best-friend-who-knows-everything” who you trust with your life. Then, you have your “guy-best-friend-who-you-can-catch-up-with-after-a-year-and-still-be-besties.” There’s the “weird-friend-you-just-love-because-you’re-weird.” And then, you have the “we-used-to-be-close.”
You used to be “the-one-who-made-me-laugh.” Every minute spent with you was fun. It was funny, we spent most of our times together laughing. We connected well on that, I think. Laughing was a part of us. Teasing was a part of us. Careless flirting was a part of us. Those things made our friendship what it was.
I thought you’d be in my life forever. I thought I’d be able to introduce you to my boyfriends, my fiancé, my husband, and we’d all sit there and laugh. But I guess I was wrong.
I thought you were there to make me forget about all the sadness in my life. I thought you were there to make me laugh and make me think that my life is okay, even at least for a moment.
I went to you, instead of alcohol, because you were better.
I went to you, instead of meaningless relationships, because you were better.
It sounds like a relationship, I know, but we had a platonic relationship. All friendships and relationships have their rocky patches. But usually, people patch things up by working through it.
Things started to fall apart slowly to the point where I didn’t notice until it was too late. But you knew about them all and you never told me.
Things were starting to feel forced and unreal and you knew why.
Once things completely fell apart for good, I don’t think you realized how much you hurt me.
I cried for weeks after, every night.
I was angry, hurt and confused for months after.
I was searching for answers and I still am.
What really happened?
What went wrong?
Why didn’t you tell me?
This is why we can’t be friends anymore.
We can’t be friends anymore because you don’t understand and refuse to understand how much you have hurt me.
We can’t be friends anymore because you have to have the upper-hand in every situation and I can no longer let you hurt me. I can no longer let me hurt me.
We can’t be friends anymore because actions speak louder than words. You say one thing but your actions say another. You don’t know how much impact your actions (or the lack of) had on me.
We can’t be friends anymore because you’re going to pretend that nothing’s ever happened when still I’ll be healing.
We can’t be friends anymore because you made it seem like we were actually a couple, when we were never such a thing. You lived in a whole different world when it came to me.
We can’t be friends anymore because I still hurt. I’m still hurting. I still cry, just not as often. I still miss you. I still care about you.
But I can’t put myself through this again or let you even try to.
This is my official friendship break-up letter to you.
Yes, we’ll talk next week sometime.
Yes, I will always care about you.
Yes, I will miss you and our friendship.
But no, we can never be friends again.