Stop Focusing On What Was Wrong In The Relationship, Focus On What Was Right

Antonio Dicaterina

At the end of every relationship, people always quickly jump to what they did wrong.

What was wrong with me?
Why wasn’t I enough?
What could I have done to change their mind?
Why does this always happen to me?
Am I not attractive enough?
Am I not smart enough?

We are humans and we jump to the problem before the solution. Sometimes it is not the problem.

The question is not, what we did wrong?

The question is, what is right?

Is this relationship worth it? What are we really getting out of this? Am I happier than I was before? Am I a better person? Is this more taking than giving?

These are the questions we should be asking ourselves.

This is not about our lack of self-esteem this should be about our self-worth. This shouldn’t be about our egos feeling rejected—emotions are more complex than that. It should be about knowing what we deserve and being strong enough to walk away. It is about having enough confidence to be alone rather than being in a dead relationship.

Everyone wants what they can’t have. It is human nature and I can’t blame you for it. It’s science, but you need to fight that feeling. This unattainable desire is just lust not love. The “wanting what you can’t have” is just a game. It is childish and shallow.

Be a real person and want something more than a challenge, want something real.

Want someone strong enough to admit their feelings, not someone weak who plays hard to get games. This is pride versus vulnerability. I like to win and I usually pick pride. However you have to ask yourself, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Because you can not always have both.

You can keep your pride and feel like you have won forever, but you won’t be happy. Sometimes to win you have to lose. The bigger the risk the bigger the reward. Being vulnerable is the most underrated, hardest thing you can do and it’s the only way you have a chance to be happy.

Instead of focusing on yourself and what you did wrong, focus on what is right in this relationship. Focus on both people, not just yourself. Relationships are two people. It is never just something one person did wrong.

Nothing is ever that simple, especially love. You need to change your perspective. You need to be less insecure.

The question is not, what was wrong with me?

The question is, what was right with us? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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