Why The Search For Your ‘Forever Person’ Can Actually Stop You From Falling In Love

A man kisses a woman's forehead in a sunlit forest of trees
João Silas / Unsplash

The search for your so-called “forever person” can subconsciously create a barrier to your overall happiness. The term “forever person” can put a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure on your partner. You may start feeling insecure in your relationship. You could begin to feel that your partner is no longer enough because they do not meet all the requirements of this “forever person” checklist. Or if you are single, you are most likely staying single because you are chasing a fantasy that may not exist.

This “forever person” concept is no better than a Prince Charming concept. It is dividing people into categories Mr. Right Now vs. Forever Person, Friends With Benefits vs. Girlfriend, Vixen vs. Good Girl and these are all stereotypes that we need to break. People can change, but more importantly, people can grow. We will not always be who we have been, and we should not be defined by who we have been with. By limiting yourself to only someone that can fall into a “forever person” category, you are cutting out many possibilities. Mr. Right Now could turn into your Forever Person, but it will never happen if you do not give him the chance to. If you judge a book by its cover, you will never get past the first page.

You will never make it to forever if you cut people off in the beginning.

People are not always the masks they wear. Everyone has their own demons, and most people are not who they pretend to be. The whole point about dating is sometimes it is supposed to be just fun. The whole fun is getting to know them, and creating your own version of a “forever person” with them. If you become the girl with a checklist all, you will have to hold is your agenda.

Some people believe in destiny, and some people believe in planning. Love probably falls somewhere in between. Not everything will always fall into your lap. However, the best things in life are almost never planned. I truly believe they call it falling in love because that is exactly what it is—falling.

It is supposed to be an accident, it supposed to be unplanned, most of the time it is supposed to hurt. There should be that feeling of a rush, not just the feeling of content. Many people confuse love and comfort.

Love is not loving someone because of what they do for you. Love is not loving someone because they can provide the life you thought you wanted. Love is not loving someone based solely on their achievements. Love is not just knowing someone very well. Being in love is not just seeing someone at their worst and accepting them for who they are. It is more than just acceptance.

Love is loving something you never thought you wanted and now all of sudden you need it. Love is wanting and needing.

The needing is not based on financial dependency or emotional insecurity. The need is a desire so strong it transformed from a want to a need.

It is because they simply make you happy and you can’t always explain why. When you are around them you catch yourself smiling like an idiot. Sometimes you may feel even a bit ashamed of loving them so irrationally, but that is what being in love is. Being in love is irrational and unexplainable. If you can explain your love too much, it is probably more comfort than love. Love is not something that can be so easily defined. TC mark

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