That guy holding the iPad too close to his face.
The girl who always wears those cute dresses to the office.
Whatshisface — the one who always brings legit beer to the party.
Or, ooh, the girl who recommended that one cocktail you immediately spat out would be good.
Any of them.
That’s the how the conversation goes. You’re talking about life since that last “it just wasn’t working out/[calmly insert name here] never took ‘us’ seriously/we met at the wrong time/ fuck [angrily insert name here] and their bullshit” breakup, and, then it happens. You’re told it’s been too long. Your thoughts jump the track before you can come up with a rebuttal, and, they do it.
They lay down the “you’re young and attractive” backhanded pep-talk.
They tell you that the answer to whatever random story you were about to tell, which was most likely going to be at least relatively funny, is to just date someone.
The one barista who said she liked your style two months ago.
That one social butterfly with the weird profile who keeps messaging you on Tinder.
Or the one guy — you know, the cute one who is always at the bar nursing a cocktail.
Ooh, wait, what about that girl who always posts photos of her doing yoga poses on Instagram.
It doesn’t really matter who you choose. Red hair, brown skin, green eyes, or permanently bundled under layers of clothing — it’s all the same difference. You just need to date someone. That will make whatever hard lessons you’re learning or emptiness you feel better. Right?
That guy who just has to tell you what your drink says about you.
The one girl who is always trying to talk politics when you’re just trying to keep up a good buzz.
Or, that one random drunk person who kept high fiving you randomly — they had potential.
Just pick somebody.
Too bad you already know the answer to that question.
It’s almost sad that you’re not looking for just any warm body.
You’re alright with solo Netflix binge watching and group bar outings. You’re glad you have extra time to work on the platonic relationships in your life. You don’t need — let alone want — just any somebody’s company.
You’ve come to realize, it doesn’t matter if you’re getting over a break up or not, you don’t want anybody. You know that’s lonely. It’s worse than the first time you went to the movies by yourself and all of the “How are you still single?!” family holiday dinner commentaries combined.
You can’t just point out some random person and look to them to make you happy. You need a spark. You need that silly grin plastered across your face whenever you think of their name or how you met. You need that rush comes whenever your phone pings and it’s them. You need to date someone who isn’t an afterthought.
Not that girl who only texts you when she’s drunk.
Not that guy who can’t go five minutes without inserting some sexual innuendo.
Definitely not that chronic one-upper who can’t stop talking about themselves.
Ooh, while we’re at it, no one who doesn’t find that odd little quirk of yours — you know the one — attractive.
When you’re ready, date someone who could actually be someone. Until then, interrupt that back handed pep-talk — you don’t have to sit through it any longer. Let your friends know you’re happy, and when you meet someone you’ll actively pursue them; however, right now, you just want to tell your random funny story.