Thought Catalog

I Can’t Be Ready For It If I’m Not Ready To Listen

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Flickr / Igor Schwarzmann
Flickr / Igor Schwarzmann

For the last 10 years, I’ve been asking the world’s spirit for a man that understood me, yet let me be me. I’ve been asking for a man that both supported my hippy-ways and my stereotypical sorority girl interests at the same time. I’ve dreamed of a man that had my back no matter what, but would also push me to think about other perspectives, and would ask me the hard questions so I never took life at just what it was. I’ve wanted to be challenged, while also loved and endlessly supported. I’ve asked for something stable. Someone who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. Someone who knew he loved me as much as I loved him and wanted to give me his endless forever love without question.

I now have that man. I have the perfect man for me and I still question life and love. My therapist asked me the other day what else I would be looking for. I had no answer. Truth is, I don’t know. I think I’m realizing for the first time that what I was asking the universe for, I may have gotten, but I might have been asking wrong. I should have been asking the universe to help me find that love and support in me. I’m the one who doesn’t love and support myself and am holding myself back somehow.

Now that I know my man exists, and that I want to hold onto him – I need to work on myself. If I don’t want to ruin what I have been given, then I need to think about what I can do to fill myself. I always believed that you shouldn’t need someone to complete you. Your perfect partner would be someone who compliments you. Your significant other should help bring out the best in you, while also supporting your individualism and ability to complete yourself.

So why am I still asking myself and my man for the completion of my creative soul? Why am I so worried about not being interested in traveling to the same cities together, or worried that he doesn’t want to come to my coffee shop with me? Why does that matter if he’s there to support me in making the decision to go? Why does it matter if he pushes me out the door to get to my coffee shop, and pushes me to never stop exploring or pushes me to follow my everyday love and passions.

I’ll never stop asking the universe for help, but sometimes it’s just time to look within. Relax and be with the experience because I can’t be ready for what the universe has to offer if I’m not ready to hear it. TC mark

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