1. How’d you get so tan? There aren’t any beaches in Oklahoma.
Are you kidding me? There is still a sun. It still shines down on us Okies in the Sooner State, and we tan just like the rest of you. In fact, we probably tan faster considering so many of us belong to a Native American tribe.
2. You’re surrounded by corn out there.
You, sir, are thinking of Nebraska. If you want to refer to an export from Oklahoma, at least get it correct. You can joke about oil or livestock, but you just sound dumb if you say corn.
3. Oklahoma is one of the Four Corners states, right?
First it’s corn, then it’s Four Corners. Wrong on both counts. I’m sorry, where did you go to school? I think you need to go back and learn some basic geography.
4. There aren’t any trees in Oklahoma.
Oklahoma is not barren of trees. Sure, we have our fair share of plains, but we also have mountains, forests, and many, many trees. Driving through the state does not make you an expert on what it looks like.
5. Is that Louisiana on your necklace? (When wearing my Oklahoma necklace)
No. And again I ask that you learn some basic geography about the country you are living in. You should at least be able to recognize the shape of a state even if you know nothing else about it. It takes every ounce of my Oklahoma kindness to not call you a complete idiot.
6. Oklahoma isn’t a Southern state; they don’t say y’all.
Actually, you’d be hard-pressed to find an Oklahoman who doesn’t say y’all no matter how hard they may try to refrain from using the word. As for us not being a Southern state, I say that’s debatable. We may not be in the Deep South, but I still believe most Oklahomans would relate to being called Southern. We say y’all, bless your heart, and we leave the “g” off of almost any word ending in “ing.” We also love fried chicken, fried okra, fried pickles—OK, fried anything.
7. You must be glad to be away from tornadoes.
I realize tornadoes are terrifying acts of nature, especially to those who did not grow up with them happening to their state annually. However, I did not move to escape tornadoes, nor am I glad to be away from them. Tornadoes are an incredible force and they often bring with them the most amazing storms one can ever imagine. The whole world turns a different color, the sky swirls, and the crackling of the thunder is beautiful. While the damage a tornado can do is devastating and I would never wish it on anyone, I do miss those majestic storms. Besides, California is due to drop off into the ocean and you think Oklahoma is scary? You can find a reason to be scared anywhere.
8. You don’t have an accent.
You’re right, I don’t have some slow Oklahoma drawl (thankfully; I can’t imagine the crazy things people would say to me if I did). But just like not every Californian talks like a Valley girl, not every Oklahoman has to sound like a “hick,” as y’all would say.
9. How many cows have you tipped?
I have never once gone cow-tipping, nor would I. In fact, never once did I even come across anyone who went cow-tipping. It’s not as rampant as some might think.
10. So you lived on a farm?
No. I have never even been to a farm, let alone milked a cow, driven a tractor, or ridden a horse into town. And while we’re at it, we live in houses not teepees and we have cars not buggies. Going to Oklahoma doesn’t take you back in time.
11. You must be thrilled to have left Oklahoma.
Oklahoma is not some terrible, sad little place. I did not leave to escape it. I left to experience something new. Oklahoma has its issues, but what place doesn’t? My heart belongs there and always will. No matter where I am, I am an Okie—Sooner-born and Sooner-bred.