We have a beautiful but sometimes terrible habit of seeing the best in others. We see the best in others because we hold this logical belief that what we put into a relationship, we will get in return. How we treat others is how they will treat us back.
But in reality we learn that is not nearly the case. Because balance is never usually 50/50, and what I find more often than not is that many relationships we hold, both friendly and romantic, are far from being balanced. It’s usually closer to a 70/20 or a 90/10 or a continuous mix of equations changing on a daily basis depending on the mood. Because as humans, we can’t expect others to treat us how we want to be treated, even though as a kid we might have thought otherwise.
The Golden Rule states, “Treat others how you want to be treated,” yet there’s no rule implying others will treat you how you want to be treated.
But for some reason, I will continue to treat others how I hope they will treat me. With respect, with kindness, with investment, with curiosity. and with the amount of effort I think everyone deserves. Maybe it’s a harsh reality knowing you have no control of how others may behave back to you, but that’s okay. That’s okay because I don’t get off to being the one that puts in only 10% in a relationship. To me, that’s pointless. I would rather save that energy for nothing at all.
Maybe I will always be the 10% receiver in these relationships, but at least I can breathe knowing I am not the one lacking.
What I have learned is we shouldn’t form relationships with the expectation that we will get something in return. Because when we start expecting effort from others, isn’t that just selfish? It’s selfish to simply connect with others with the pure expectation that they’ll give us the perfect amount of attention or effort that we desire. I don’t think relationships like this are sustainable and often lead to disappointment. I don’t think we must take and take from others in order to be happy.
We always say it’s better to give than to receive, and truthfully, they both feel amazing, but what I know is I will always be the kind of human that gives. Maybe I do not receive as much as I deserve, but who defines that anyway? I don’t mind.