RomanceHealing

Heartbreak Is Ugly, But Now I Am Beautiful

What was it like when your heart was broken for the first time? It’s interesting how there really isn’t a word that comes to mind but rather a feeling. That slight twist in your gut, the uncomfortable rush of thoughts and memories when the word ‘heartbreak’ flushes your brain. Because typically, heartbreak is an ugly treacherous moment that fortunately and unfortunately happens to the majority of us. Heartbreak is one big ugly, hideous, and awful experience.

But through all the disgust, I am not who I am without the hurt.  In a strange way, I believe it’s heartbreak that gives us some of our beauty, the kind of beauty that is indescribable or can’t achieved with cosmetics. It opens us up to a new, stronger, more shining version of ourselves that existed all along but we could not reach before.

Because the truth is, I did not love myself. I loved you more than I loved the beautiful mind and exterior I held. I loved craving attention from another human more than I loved listening to my own needs and desires. That’s why heartbreak hurts so bad. Because you give a little bit of yourself to another human being and within moments, it’s like watching your self crumble. Because when you give part of yourself to another human, you give them the power to hurt you. And when they crush that part of you it’s an ugly terrible and indescribable experience we endure.

While not the truth, heartbreak is like someone taking all the love that you give and are, and throwing it into the worlds largest wasteland like it’s a used gum wrapper. But our hearts are nothing close to a disposable gum wrapper.

Our hearts are designed to beat and fuel the beautiful soul that exists within us.

And that’s when I realized, it’s not about how someone takes the love, it’s about giving love to yourself, to others and not living by the expectation that it will always be received.

Heartbreak helped me regain my beauty that existed all along. I stopped focusing my attention on a human who did not love me back and started appreciating every quality that I have to offer. I started to work on my goals, to work on improving the skills I had always wanted to.

Most importantly, I realized I was beautiful and whole all on my own without relying on that kind of validation from one other being. Because there’s a magic in the ability to love yourself harder than anyone else. Heartbreak sucks, but today, I stand full and beautiful as ever. TC mark

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I am the only Jenna Hushka in the world. Follow Jenna on Instagram or read more articles from Jenna on Thought Catalog.