How To Microwave Eggs (Now That You Know, You’ll Have To Do It)



Step 1: Purchase eggs.

Step 2: Obtain bowl and microwave.

Step 3: Select however many eggs you’d like to devour and keep in safe place until Step 5. (NOTE: Eggs will roll off the counter without warning. It’s like they’re posthumously trying to save themselves. Finding a safe place where they can’t roll away is CRUCIAL.)

Step 4: Grab bowl from Step 2 and spray with cooking oil (NOTE: You can skip the oil if you’re #dieting, but know that you will have egg residue permanently glued on to that bowl. It will never come off. Ever. So, if you have any connection to that bowl, do it a favor and give a spray.)

Step 5: Crack the eggs you’re planning to OM NOM NOM in the oily bohunk of a bowl (#sixteencandlesreference #obscure). Add some milk or cheese if you want. Not really sure how much. Just whatever you want. Personally, I like ALL THE CHEESE.

Step 6: Stir the mucus mixture thoroughly or at least until it looks like thin, solid yellow goo.

Step 7: Place bowl with goo in microwave (from Step 2) for two minutes. Stop every thirty seconds to mix. (NOTE: Use a fork to mix. Using your finger will result in unnecessary stickiness and a lingering unpleasant egg odor on your hands for the rest of the day.)

Step 8: Wait until mixture becomes puffy and looks like it will explode all over your microwave. Remove when it looks most like the Hindenburg.

Step 9: Use a fork to mix some more. Eggs should look fluffy and cheesy and delicious.

Step 10: Be proud of your egg microwaving prowess. Eat those babies like the boss you are. TC Mark

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