On a daily basis, I help people with their relationships (or lack thereof). I help them set intentions when dating, learn new ways of communicating and understanding the dynamics of relationships. It’s a tough thing to do, because every person is different, every relationship and situation is different. But there are core lessons that I teach that help them show up at their best when in a partnership.
What makes my job even harder, is that I have a personal life too. I use my experience and knowledge as part of my teachings and I like to remain as transparent and REAL as I can be to my clients and supporters.
That’s why getting dumped was like a knife to the gut. Part of me was wondering about what people would say about it, part of me was happy because I knew it would eventually lead to this. Even though I was in the relationship, I wasn’t all in. For months now, my heart was more into my work and writing than this other person.
I could argue that I’m so good at my job, that I trained my partner to understand the importance and intelligence of a relationship. I preach and advocate that if a relationship is no longer serving you (or you realize it never was), then the relationship needs to end. After being with me for 9 months and realizing how passionate I was about what I did, it’s clear he picked up a thing or two.
For me, the relationship was still serving it’s purpose. For him, it obviously was not.
Being dumped was a reality check. And I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt, because it did. But I had to take a step back and take pride in the breakup. Here’s why:
1) I taught him something. This was validation that when you are strong enough to understand and stand up for your own needs, you will not settle for less than you desire or deserve. It’s hard to break up with someone that you still love. But when your needs aren’t being met, love just isn’t enough for the relationship to survive.
2) I learned something about myself. I know now, that if I am going to commit to a relationship with someone, I have to be all in. It needs to be 100/100. I wasn’t in a position to maintain a relationship because my focus was elsewhere. I put so much of myself into relationships in the past, that I vowed not to do that in this one. It sort of backfired on me. The reality is, I need to find a balance between my family, my business and my romantic partner.
3) We all have room to grow. I’m a life and relationship coach. I don’t ever claim to be perfect, but this assured me that I still have work to do. I still f*ck up. I still make mistakes. Why? Because I’m still human. The relationship was keeping us both small, which is the exact opposite of what a relationship is meant for. Relationships should allow you growth, whether together or apart.
Most times heartbreak is devastating. But each time we can learn a lesson about ourselves and ways we need to adapt and grow for the next relationship. Even though it may be hard, try to think of the good things that came from the relationship and look for the silver lining. What are some lessons you’ve learned from being dumped?