How I Honestly Knew My Partner Was The One

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sarandy westfall / Unsplash

When I first met my husband, I knew I would never date him. (Needless to say, I was very wrong.)

He was a slim guy, about my height, who had bad acne and smoked pot. Definitely, absolutely, completely, not my type. I was into the tall jerks who ignored my phone calls or the guys that went running with me and had some knowledge of cars.

At that time in my life, I had just been “dumped” by a man I thought I’d marry, and I was in no hurry to take anyone’s emotions seriously again. My husband was introduced to me by my best friend, so we all hung out. Eventually, we were hanging out by ourselves.

Less than three months after we met, we were official. Eight years later, we’re married. Here’s how I came to know he was the one despite being so sure I’d never date him.

He Introduced Me to His Friends Soon After

When we were first dating, we’d go to local shows where his friends played in bands. Even though we weren’t official, he would still hold my hand, introduce me to his friends, and stay by my side.

Once, we even ran into his ex-girlfriend—a tall, insecure girl with an eating disorder who had been cheating on him for half of their three-year relationship. She seemed shocked to see us, then asked him if he wanted to walk to the ATM with her. He declined.

Of course, like many relationships, ours was not a straight path in the beginning. Less than four months together, I was still unconvinced he was the one for me and left him for my ex-boyfriend. This was the aforementioned jerk who went running with me, had some knowledge of cars, and blew me off.

My ex-boyfriend would always come over to my place; he never once took me out or introduced me to his friends. I felt like a secret, something to be ashamed of. He’d say we would go out with his friends and even mention specific days, but would never actually make them.

Once, when we were scheduled to go out with my best friend and her boyfriend, he blew me off at the absolute last minute. I showed up to the dinner alone and he berated me for getting mad, saying he had to work late.

After a couple months, I realized that I had left an amazing guy who truly cared for me and had the potential to become someone important in my life for my manipulative, abusive, middle-school ex-boyfriend.

Eventually, after a torturous eight months, numerous times telling my ex I never wanted to see him again, and finally, blocking his calls, my husband and I reunited and have been loving each other ever since.

He Accepted Me for Who I Am

Due to my spiritual views at the beginning of our relationship, my husband actually told me that he couldn’t be with me. Since I wasn’t looking for anything serious—and I definitely wasn’t looking to change myself for a man—this didn’t bother me. I also had negative feelings about his past, so we never really planned on the relationship going any further. We continued hanging out casually.

Then, one night lying in my bed in the dark at the beginning of February, he asked me to be his girlfriend. The question took my breath away and it took me a minute to gather my composure. “I thought that’s not what you wanted?”

“I thought that too,” he said. “I changed my mind.”

This was the beginning of what would be a magical, imperfect journey together in which many conversations, compromises, and growing took place. I knew he was serious about me because he was willing to meet me where I was, not try to change me, and we journeyed together from there.

He Considers Me Always

My husband is the most thoughtful person I know. He’s the type of person that thinks before he speaks. He always considers me in anything he does and looks out for me.

Throughout our relationship, he has gone the extra mile to support me, even though he wasn’t totally sure how in many instances. Through communication, we learned about each other and today, it’s the little things he does that let me know he cares.

Bringing me Thai food after we have a fight, ready and willing to work things out. Scrutinizing the label on a chocolate bar to see if it says “May contain gluten.” Buying me one of our favorite movies for our anniversary because one time I was sick he picked a terrible movie for us to watch and wanted to make it up to me. Letting me always finish first.

I really couldn’t ask for a better husband.

He Grows With Me

My partner and I are intertwined in such a way that we grow together. We love learning about new things together, experiencing things together, taking trips together. We communicate deeply and often. Being both introverts and empaths, we also really appreciate our alone time and communicate when we need space.

I’ve never been able to communicate this way with another person, especially not a romantic partner. Our honesty and openness allow us to grow in ways that wouldn’t otherwise be possible.

I feel confident that our commitment to growing together and our willingness to communicate are not only what has enabled us to have such a solid relationship, but one that will continue to be satisfying throughout our lives.

I Never Feel Weird Around Him

From the beginning, I have never felt weird around my husband. I remember when we were first alone in a room together when my friend left us alone while we were all hanging out, he acknowledged the awkwardness. I burst out laughing, refreshed at his openness.

From intense conversations we’ve had to me scarfing down cheeseburgers in front of him, I have never once felt weird, fat, or ugly. As a person who overhears other people say about her, “she’s not normal,” this is a blessing.

He always makes me feel beautiful, sexy and loved. Have we made each other feel terrible in the past? Of course. But today, we have the wisdom to know when we’ve hurt each other and apologize. It hasn’t been easy getting to this point, but it has been worn it.

I wasn’t convinced my husband was the one when I met him. But I’ve found that the most unexpected gifts can be the best. I never would have imagined marrying this man, but now I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m hugely grateful for his presence in my life and am excited to experience so many moments with him. TC mark

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