1. The Boss
The head honcho, who runs this office like a well-oiled machine. If you are lucky, like I am, your boss will be fair and helpful, and will educate you about your job. A good boss encourages you to do your best, and pushes you to be better.
2. The work husband/wife
This person is not someone with whom you have a sexual connection. This person is someone on whom you rely at work to stay sane. They just so happen to be of the opposite sex. Usually, the work husband/wife works closely with you on projects, and you form a bond and a camaraderie, as you would in a healthy marriage but without all of the sexual tension and lovey-ness.
3. The person who thinks they are the boss
This person has no real authority, but they seem to be confused ont hat front. They are positive that they are the equivalent of your boss even though their job title and paycheck would suggest otherwise. This person likes to delegate orders and expects people to complete their work. Do I look like your assistant? Goodbye with that mess!
4. The person who doesn’t shut up
This person enjoys telling annoying stories about him/herself. Unfortunately for them, no one else in the office really cares. They tend to complain about everything, and anything, and they never shut up once they start yapping. On most days, you wish you could slap this person at least five separate times.
5. The quiet person
This person is the complete opposite of the person above. They tend to keep to themselves and are usually shy and reserved. The quiet person is usually the one to watch out for. He/She is either genuinely shy and cares about the quality of his/her work, or he/she is clearly plotting against the entire office and is gunning for your job.
6. The work-a-holic
This person can’t stop working. Without work, they have no identity. He or she needs to be busy at all times and if he/she is not busy, this person will find work to do. They always manage to make everyone else feel guilty just by virtue of the fact that literally no one works as much as they do.
7. The sloth
To be honest, you are not sure how this person is even employed. They are always sleeping or falling asleep. You have never actually seen him/her do any work, yet they are always the most stressed out and exhausted person in the office. They tend to do the most complaining about how difficult work is and your face says it all because you are still trying to figure out what exactly this person did all day. Watching this person is kind of like watching a lazy cat. The cat has no energy and is always very tired from, you know, sleeping all day. You go take a nap, lazy worker. We all know how hard it is when you do nothing all day.
8. The person who is never. on. time
I see you, late person – we all do! They call it 9 to 5 for a reason! Work begins at 9 am, but not for you… Your day usually starts anywhere between 9:30 and 10:30. Seriously, do you enjoy that dock in your pay check?
9. The early bird
This person is not just on time, oh no — instead, he or she is always early. ‘Do you sleep here? The entire office was curious… You do know you don’t have to be here until 9am, right?’ Depending on where you work, you may not even be getting paid extra for that.
10. The creeper
The creeper is that person with the weird voice who lurks around the office saying strange things. Usually — but not always — this person is a man, and male creepers tend to want to follow all of the women in the office around. They are not picky. Beggers can’t be choosers. Everyone knows this man hasn’t been laid in like, 100 years (or ever). He has no game whatsoever, and he always thinks that he tells the most interesting stories — he doesn’t. The male creeper also likes to reach out and touch somebody on the shoulder. Ugh, creep shiver. Dude, would you like a sexual harassment case or a pen in your eye?
The female creeper tends to have a similarly weird voice. She too has stories that don’t make sense and which no one really cares about. She wears her $0.99 red lipstick (most of which is usually on her teeth). You try to be extra nice to her because you aren’t sure if you feel really bad or if she may just try to kill you.
11. The office hottie
This person may or may not know they are hot shit. You have all been caught staring at the office hottie. It doesn’t matter the sex of this person, men and women alike admire and want to be like this person. Those that don’t admit they find this person attractive are usually hating and are most likely jealous. Sometimes the office hottie can be full of him/herself which eventually takes away some of their shine, but other times, you get a hottie who has no idea they are hot. He/She is kind and good-natured which just makes the entire office swoon even more. You go, office hottie. Thanks for beautifying this place!
12. The caffeine addict
This person can’t go two minutes without a cup of coffee. By the end of the day, he/she is completely wired and jittery. They tend to be super anxious and have loads and loads of energy. Most of the time you find them extensively chatting about who knows what by the water cooler.
13. The health nut
This person is always on some new diet or fad. They work out excessively and make everyone around them feel bad about their laissez faire attitudes towards healthy eating. Hey, health nut, I’m eating chocolate and a donut and I’m loving it! Now be gone with your iceberg lettuce!
14. The intern
I feel for ya, intern, I really do, but we all start somewhere. The poor intern is usually told that he/she will be learning all kinds of new and exciting things about said company, but we all know this isn’t true. The only thing that intern learned was everyone’s coffee and breakfast orders. It doesn’t matter how hot or cold it is outdoors, the office intern always saves the day by doing everyone else’s errands. Be nice to your interns. They have college educations and might just be your boss one day.
15. The average Joe
This person doesn’t stand out, but they don’t fade into the back either. He or she just does their work. They don’t usually go above and beyond, but they aren’t slacking either. They are just right there in the middle. They come on time, and they leave on time. All they care about is that pay check, and though you wish maybe they might be a little more interesting, you have to respect that bottom-line kind of thinking.