1. Your new puppy is either 100% psycho dog wild child, or she is sleeping like an angel.
Because of this, I’m starting to think of my dog as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When I first pictured having a dog, I imagined one that would just sleep all day and then be on the ready whenever I needed to go on a run. However, this was certainly not the case. I have to try my hardest to run her around and tire her out before leaving the house. I never feel like I’m working her out though, she seems to continually be working me out. Walks on walks on walks. Games of tug of war and fetch and belly rubs. Her endless energy is both adorable but can be incredibly annoying when I’m too tired to function or, for that matter, play. In these moments I pray for my sake that she will just pass out soon and sleep. I cherish her naps because it is the best time when I can get things done around the house and get some much-needed R&R.
2. Teething and chewing is. no. joke.
The need to “baby-proof” (or puppy-proof) the house. However, no matter how many chew toys I buy her, she always finds the things I don’t want her to chew to totally destroy like shoes and my nicer lingerie. Then there’s always that fun game where she finds something she shouldn’t have (like some kind of food that is bad for her) and I end up having to chase her around the house for a half hour to save said possession or make sure she doesn’t die from consuming an entire bag of chocolate. The things I do for the good of my baby.
3. The day revolves around her potty schedule.
No matter how many times I take her out a day, it still never seems to be enough. House-training seems to be a slow and steady road, but at least there is some progress. For now, though, I have to keep the rug cleaner close by at all times and all of my coats have treats in the pockets. Every time she has an accident though I can’t help but think what the hell I’ve done wrong? She just gives me a smirk and prances away from the new steaming pile of shit on the floor. A gift? Thanks, babes.
4. You will become obsessed with buying treats and toys and clothing.
Going into Petsmart is just so seductive, and I want to buy every single thing they have to offer. From winter coats to a little doggy Eagles sweatshirt to wear while watching football games, I just can’t stop. Chew toys, plush animals, bones, antlers, leashes, dog bed, balls, treats, kongs… I have a problem. The sad part is, no matter how many new toys I purchase for my beloved pooch, her favorite thing to play with is still an empty plastic water bottle. It’s like when you buy your kid a super expensive toy and all they want to do is play with the box it came in. What a joke. Nevertheless, my bank account has been quickly dissolving by the second since she joined the family.
5. You will never be able to have a night off from thinking about your dog.
Whenever I go out, I spend the whole time worrying if she’s okay and I can’t seem to stop talking about her to friends and people I meet. She has totally turned my social schedule around. I can’t stay out for hours on end because I need to take her out. No one ever said she would wake me up to go potty three times a night for the first few weeks until she becomes old enough to control her bladder! Sleepovers? Good one, it’s time to call a babysitter. However, I still have a pathological fear that the babysitter will fall so in love with my dog that she or he will inevitably kidnap her. I require the babysitter to send me a picture of the pup every hour on the hour. Really, I should just invest in a nanny cam.
6. You will surrender your Instagram account to your dog.
I can never seem to take enough pictures of her. I think my friends are all starting to get sick of all the snapchats I sent of her. I feel the need to constantly show people around me pictures of my dog from off my phone, fishing for compliments of how cute she is. I like to take pictures of her in her outfits, pictures that dog shame her when she’s accidentally poops on the carpet or eats a pair of panties (or subsequently throwing up that pair of panties), pictures of her posing on workout equipment or passed out next to a beer with the caption “go home you’re drunk!” The options for puppy photography are limitless.
7. No matter what kind of day you’re having or what kind of mood you’re in, they will always show you unwavering and unconditional love.
If I’m gone for an hour when I get back she’s jumping around in her crate and giving me a look that says “NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN! LETS PLAY!!” It’s these moments that will always turn your day around and put you into a good mood.