Why I Won’t Trade What I Love To Find Mr. Right

A woman with long brown wet hair and dripping forehead smiles against a blue background
Omar Lopez / Unsplash

Why is it that in 2018, we still believe that women have to sacrifice their careers in order to have a family?

Some have said that focusing on my career has ruined my love life.

“You’re running out of time to find ‘a good man.’”

“When do you plan to ‘stop’ traveling so you can ‘settle down’ and be with someone?”

I am a 28-year-old female who is in a loving relationship with herself and her career. I love what I do and the woman I’ve become.

I don’t agree that I need to give up what I love to find love.

But seriously, why do I need to give up ANYTHING for love?

The fact that being successful is determined by finding a partner and how many children you can bring to this earth is beyond me.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Mothers are the true rockstars! I won’t EVER say that being a mother is a bad thing. If you’re reading this and you’re a mom, then I want you to know that I look up to you! Being a mother is hard. It’s a real job and a life-changing decision. It’s a decision that I haven’t been ready to commit to.

My life just hasn’t panned out that way, and I am okay with that. I’ve chosen to focus on things I can control. I’ve chosen to be true to my wild women. To embrace who I am. To embrace wholly and lovingly without any regrets – all women should do this. As a mother, married, single, gay, or straight; it doesn’t matter. We should all put ourselves first.

I am an Impact Travel Influencer. I travel for a purpose: traveling the world with clean water filters and bringing them to third world countries.

I have done a lot. I left a corporate New York City desk job at the age of 25 years old to create a business and brand for myself. I have two degrees: a bachelor’s and a master’s. I have lived and worked in five countries across six continents, as well as traveled throughout 41 countries. I speak three different languages. I’ve traveled to third world countries while carrying clean water filters to share in rural communities. I’ve saved an estimated 12,500 lives with the water filters I’ve carried. Why isn’t that more important than finding Mr. Right and making babies?

I recently spoke to the graduating seniors at a local high school, and the top questions asked by several females were:

Am I single?

Do I want someone?

Do I plan to stop traveling so I can have a family?

Ladies, I ask you this in response….

Why are you asking me if I am single? Why is that a concern? Shouldn’t you be asking me how I’ve done what I’ve done? What my future goals are?

Here are my thoughts:

1. I don’t believe in giving up my passion for someone else. Period. I believe that the right person will come, and when they do, they will support my dreams. As I will support theirs. But to stop doing what I love for love? That’s contradictory to what I believe.

2. Just because I travel, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to have companionship. I travel solo all the time. I love it! However, I wouldn’t mind spending time and sharing these adventures and moments with someone I love. I know that once I do find someone, I won’t have to ‘give-up’ what I love, but I’ll have to make changes to my life to adjust to being with someone else. It’s part of being in a loving relationship – and I do want all those things.

It’s 2018, and we live in a generation where women are thriving and are more focused on their careers than they ever were. I genuinely love what I do, and I believe people can see that. Stopping something that truly makes you happy would only make you a miserable human.

I am no greater or lesser than women who have chosen to build a family first before their careers. In fact, I commend those women because I grew up with those women. Women that have put a hold on their careers to create a beautiful family. There’s nothing wrong with that, my life has just taken a different path.

I want the next generation of girls and women to stand up for one another and empower each other. To OWN who they are! Embrace it. Love it. If you find the right partner at a young age, bless your soul! If you don’t and your ‘partner’ turns into your ‘career,’ good for you! Don’t let the outside noise become your doubt.

Be proud of who you are and do what you love. This life is too short to waste any time doing anything short of what makes you happy. Perhaps the issue has more to do with following a timeline than it is creating your own path. Whatever it is, wherever you are, if you’re a women and you’re reading this: be who you are. However that looks for you. Embrace it, love it, and show it off. Because we are women. TC mark

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