13 Things I Wish Ended Quicker

1. Zumba class. You shimmy and you shake to a wide variety of Shakira songs, but after 45 minutes you can’t breathe anymore and you’re sweating so much that your shirt looks like you sat in a sauna for a really long time or took a dip in a hot tub.

2. A first date with a guy who keeps winking at you and asking if you want to leave this place and get hot and sweaty. And you’re confused so you say: are you asking me if I want to take a Zumba class with you or something?
3. Your annual gynecologist appointment. Any gynecologist appointment.

4. Mondays.

5. A cleaning at the dentist when they pick your teeth and remind you just how badly you need to floss.

6. Fasting on Yom Kippur. #Challah

7. Relatives changing the topic of conversation at a holiday dinner from news and entertainment to the daunting question of: Why are you still single? And everyone stops. And everyone stares at you like the bulls eye on a dartboard.

8. A hangover. I’m 25 and if I even dare go out till 4am and if I even dare to have more than two glasses of wine I can’t feel my face and I can’t leave the support of my full-sized mattress the next day.

9. Periods. Not the punctuation.

10. Waiting for your laundry to finish in the dryer.

11. The winter. This NYC winter.

12. That gut wrenching feeling you get after a breakup – or even after someone you’ve been on a few dates with stops chatting with you where you feel so disoriented and upset. It feels kind of like acid reflux. Exactly like acid reflux.

13. Acid reflux. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Jen Glantz is the world’s first professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. Her new book, Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire) [Atria Books] is available now.

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