1. Your mom posts something on your Facebook wall without realizing everyone can see it like, Jenny, I hope you ate enough fiber today! And its like Mom, come on, too much information to have in writing — on the INTERNET! But I love that you care so much about my digestive track and so I’ll let it slide that my 1,439 “friends” are going to read your thoughtful post.
2. People singing Happy Birthday to you, at work. It’s a 30 second song that has the potential to give you the heebie jeebies as a circle of suited up people, who shouldn’t ever be singing outside the privacy of their shower, bust out their pitchy falsetto tones while you stand there trying to hide your flushed face and figure out what to do with your awkwardly long arms. It’s also fitting as this is a time when you see who in the company really knows your name. After 5 years, you notice a significant amount of people who mumble through the Happy Birthday to blah blah part. Yeah, Happy birthday to you.
3. You get a decent friend-to-like ratio on a witty Facebook status that took you a day and a half to come up with, and that you ran across one of your co-workers to proof read for grammar and premature laughs.
4. On a first date, you’re rambling on about how you broke your thumb during softball practice in the 9th grade and he’s all like I already knew that about you because I read the article you wrote about it for your High School newspaper. And while maybe you should write that off as creepy, you’re a bit flattered that he took the time to Internet stalk you for at least 25 minutes to find that.
5. A friend comes over and turns on your TV and sees that your list of must-see recorded shows include: Breaking Amish, What Would Ryan Locthe Do?, Don’t Be Tardy For The Party, and Catfish.
6. In the car with a friend, the windows are resting low and the music is blaring so loudly that one might mistake your beat up sedan for a club on South Beach. You’re screaming on the top of your stuffy lungs the lyrics of some song like Stop in the neighborhood, before you break my heart! And your friend slams on her breaks, turns the music down and breaks the news to you that the correct lyric is Stop in the name of love.
7. You’re playing Never Have I Ever with your girlfriends over dinner and it’s your turn so you say something mildly absurd like never have I ever gone skinny dipping in a pool of chocolate pudding and suddenly, the entire restaurant goes silent.
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