The Love Letter I Will Never Send You

I stood before you, with fire in my heart.

My soul was set ablaze. My eyes, the deepest shade of blue. With each slow blink, they pulled you closer to me. Like a moth to the flame. My flame.

The sound of your voice floats into the air and penetrates my mind. I watch you speak with intensity, your lips moving with purpose. Your words were the match that struck against my skin.

Every syllable perfectly articulated. I’ve never listened to anyone as closely as I listen to you. Your word slams into me like a hurricane, wrapping themselves around me. Enveloping me.

My entire life plays on the projection screen in my mind. It relives every ghost from my past. Every verbal lashing that shook my core. Every rough touch that left scars invisible to the naked eye.

These memories make me grateful. They make me appreciate everything you are. Your words, your voice, your kind touch.

When our skin connects, it lights the fire inside of me. But what’s more, what’s truly incredible is the way your words heal me. Hours upon hours of therapy with you.

My hunger to explore every inch of your mind is consuming. Your intelligence is heady, mixed with your touch. I’m yours. Melting.

I know that this will have catastrophic effects on my heart. I’ve suffered many losses. Gotten through the darkest of hours. I’ve had loved ones die in my arms.

But the sting of failure to love; it hits the hardest.

The blows are crushing, wave after wave until you can’t speak and you’ve resorted to the fetal position. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, all-consuming unfiltered heartbreak.

I don’t know if you can feel the electricity. I don’t know if this pull is one sided. I don’t care about the risk. I don’t care about the pain. Life is about living, and if I don’t try; I’ll never know.

I can promise you all the joy one can offer. All the laughter. The smiling. Our lives won’t be easy. But it will be ours. Filled with sandy beaches, far off places, cups of whiskey, barbecues, late nights with friends, endless books, wrestling until we’re both laughing so hard we can’t breathe.

I thank the earth every day for you. And hope you know how beautiful you are. Inside and out.

Your soul shines brighter than any beam of sunlight. You’re the jagged piece that doesn’t fit. The sock missing its match. You’re riddled with history like the carvings on the walls of ancient times. And I love that.

You are culture, and elegance, and class all wrapped up in one messy collection of flesh and bones. You’re the perfect person to me. And no amount of pain will stop me from taking this leap into you.

Let me ignite us both on fire. So that we can conquer it all together. And build an empire.

I’m here, with fire in my heart. I’m holding it in my hands, to give to you. If it slips and falls, it’s okay.

If you don’t catch it, the embers will fade and leave behind a divot. A reminder of this love I felt.

I never want to forget it. Forget you. Even if your words never pierce my skin again, or your trembling hands don’t grace my skin with their touch. I’ll have a reminder that you were here. And how you changed me.