I am absolutely terrified of growing up.
Graduation is right around the corner, and let me tell you: I am scared as fuck.
Pardon my language, but swearing is the only way I can truly express my fear of adulthood.
It’s not just about me growing up and becoming independent, but it’s the fact that my parents are getting old, too. It’s hard to imagine them – their strength – being different in the future as compared to now. It’s terrifying to think about being an adult without your parents there to care for you anymore. I am absolutely terrified of the changes.
I want to be a kid. I want to have fun. I want my family to be there for me always with no one getting old, with no one losing their strength, with nothing changing, with no one disappearing. Can I simply wish to remain as we are now? I am absolutely terrified of loss.
Aside from that, I often ask myself where I’ll be going, what path I’ll take, and how long will I keep waking that path. I wonder what else can I do, what else will be asked of me, and what I won’t be able to do. There’s so much. I am absolutely terrified of dead ends.
Fear and uncertainty: two traits that make up a number of young 20-21 year olds who wish for time to stop. Growing up is too hard, too sad, and too difficult. It’s hard to imagine the light sides without thinking of the scary parts. But we try. We try very hard, but what else can we or I do? I am absolutely terrified of growing up.