I’m a lesbian… that is a no brainer for the people who are close to me. I like women, and that is that. I don’t like dicks, I like boobs and that is the truth about me. People might think that the Philippines is a great place for being a member of the LGBT; since we have LGBT themed pageants and soap operas that even airs on national television. But the reality is, it really isn’t…
You see the Philippines is a country that has Christianity and Islam as predominant religions. And as you can see both religions teach about homosexuality as a sin; a sin that makes you a target for a lot of prejudices. To be honest, I’m actually sure that same sex marriage will never be legalized in this country; various churches are against it, and those various churches still have a huge influence in our government. Just the idea of it being suggested in the congress will receive a huge backlash from these organizations, which immediately shuts up the legislators who suggested it.
I’ve also met LGBT people who are opposed to LGBT unions. They admit that they’re gay, or trans but they hate being that way. They hide their gender identity or their sexual orientations like it’s a very disgusting thing. Like being who they are is a very disgusting thing.
Up until now I still encounter children under the age of ten; who laughs at LGBT people. Children who points at the trans-woman walking down the street and made her the butt of jokes, children who looked at people like me with disdain and disgust. And who are teaching them to be that way?
Just recently I read a Facebook post that was posted by my transgender friend; she posted it on the behalf of her gay friend. She posted photos of her friend’s swollen face, and photos of his body riddled with bruises and wounds in various places, from his chest to his legs. Apparently, his father wanted to beat the gay out of him.
Yes, that is true. Things like that still happens here, parents resenting their own children for being gay; beating them up until they bleed.
My mom actually felt scared when I told her that I’m a lesbian. She was afraid for my safety, afraid for the things I might encounter, afraid of the prejudices ahead of me. She even wishes that her daughter’s lesbianism was only a phase, because she knew the things ahead of me. My dad was a whole other story; he was raised by my grandparents who were fine with gay people… as long as they were not members of their family. So of course he has the same views, tolerate gay people; but prohibit your children from being one. I also knew that he might push me out of his window if he knew; he might never let me see my baby sister again.
Basically I was out to everyone but my own family. My mom, my brother and some of my cousins know. My friends knows, some are fine with it they accept me for who I am, some reminds me that it’s a sin every time I see them, some always try to convince me that it’s only a phase, and some cut all contact with me.
I got used to it… but should anyone be used to it?
I’m tired of explaining myself every time. I’m tired of being afraid of being thrown out of the church I go to; to worship the God I believe in if the people in it knew that I am gay. I’m tired of seeing the pain. I’m tired of being judged. But even if I’m tired life must go on, I’ll survive; because if there is anything that the Filipino LGBT people has proven, we proved that we are survivors. We proved that even if a lot of people are against us, we will still thrive, we will survive and we will be beneficial to our community, we can love and be loved by the people we want, we have rights, we are human too and we have a purpose.