A Short List Of The Worst Things On Earth

Collectives, Online dating, Self-published fiction, A large majority of literary fiction, Most comments on most websites, Relying on social media for your self-worth, Disease, Hunger, Slavery, James Franco, Darjeeling Limited, Padded toilet seats, Candy corn, Peeps, Orange Starbursts, Yoga wisdom, People who drive closely to the car in front of them for no reason, People who chew loudly enough to make that smacking noise, People into MMA fighting most likely, Human trafficking, Pollution, Overpopulation, Running for no reason, The fact that it takes like a mile of running to burn off two slices of pizza, People who correct you when you mispronounce something, Diet sodas, Pepsi, Instagram, Chris Brown, People who call themselves writers but don’t earn a living by writing, Any writing that calls itself inspirational or postmodern, Networking, Puns, Chinstrap facial hair, Strong perfume, Hacktivism, When commercials get really loud all of a sudden, People who complain about reality shows ruining our country, Rape, People who falsely accuse celebrities of rape, Junior high, The new guy who does the Weekend Update on SNL, Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, The novels of Tao Lin, Tall people who stand at the front of standing room concerts, Short people who complain about that instead of moving somewhere else, People who go ghost to end a relationship, People who use email to end a relationship, People who use text to end a relationship, Basically all people who do anything other than talk to a person face to face to end a relationship, MFAs, Most poetry, White person dreads, Arcade Fire, Indoor baseball, Listicles, Thinking that all writing and art and thought is subjective, The incestuous nature of getting published, Advertising, Marketing, Vegan hamburgers, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The theology of Rob Bell, Anything Mark Driscoll does or says, One-night stands for the most part, Racism, Super-PACs, Applauding young men and women for going to a different country to risk their lives to kill other people, People who use young men and young men by having them go to a different country to kill other people, Anxiety, Depression, Mental illness, Critical Mass, Justin Bieber not because of his music but because of who he is as a person, Cigarette smoke except when you’re drinking, Having the kind of poop where it takes so many wipes, Buying something online and when it comes it doesn’t fit, Trying to lose weight, Lower back pain, Getting older, Being young, Podcasts, Comedians who talk sanctimoniously about comedy, People who comment on celebrity scandals as if they have any idea what is going on and use those comments as a springboard for their own popularity, Facebook, Catholicism, AIDS, Cancer, STDs, The music of St. Vincent I’m sorry it’s overrated I’m sure Annie Clark is nice I’m sorry, Slut-shaming, The word slut-shaming, Skip Bayless, Around The Horn, Frozen pizza for the most part, Dull pencils, Apps, Most NPR shows except Science Friday and Click and Clack, The fact that we drill into the ground to get our energy in 2014, Islam, Christianity, All religions except for maybe Buddhism but even that one is iffy, White people who talk during movies at the theater, Teens, Management positions, People who brag about how great their life is on the internet, Liars, Short stories for the most part let’s be honest here, Hate-reading, People who favorite everything on Twitter, The moment of pure anxiety when everyone gets up after a plane lands, Faucets with water that is just insane hot, All smart phones, Loud sex neighbors, People who text and drive, People who drink and drive, The idea of heaven, The idea of hell, Pranks, Performance art, Torture, Self-help think pieces, Death.