After reading the first paragraph, I have two questions. How old should one be before he/she no longer dances in the rain? And do people actually use the phrase “rock out,” I mean, do people other than four-year-olds and the parents of four-year-olds when they speak to their four-year-olds use it?
Second paragraph is better. Not as twee as the first. A bit self-aggrandizing but this is a personal think piece about a tragedy, so that’s to be expected.
Third paragraph is even better, best paragraph, in fact. Nice details. Humble but not overly so. Good imagery. If the whole think piece was like this it might’ve been okay, perhaps maybe even overcoming the fact that it’s a personal think piece about a tragedy the writer had nothing to do with other than he/she lived in the same country as where it happened.
“Terrible tragedy” is in the fourth paragraph. But all tragedies are terrible. Don’t be redundant. Worse yet, don’t use clichés to inject emotion into a think piece about a tragedy. There’s plenty there intrinsically.
Oh boy, now here we go. No, I don’t think we think of those “sad days” when we think of the Boston Massacre. We think of history class in junior high. And are we trying to make a point that Boston has been at the heart of this country’s fight for the rights of people of color? Other cities in America have more relevant histories when it comes to forming that foundation. Chicago, Washington, D.C., Atlanta, every other city in the south.
Now we get heavy-handed. Tragedies are “hard to remember?” And they “must not be forgotten?” Is the author running for political office? Or this is still a blog post on the same website that outlines the inner monologue of someone giving a blow job? Yeah yeah, I get it, same thing.
Okay, I’ll grant, this next part is a call to positive action, to go out and do something, but I’m at a loss as to what that’s supposed to be. Something peaceful, I guess? So that people don’t blow themselves up anymore? Join the NSA so we can gather more intelligence on terrorists attacks so we’ll be able to stop people from dropping backpacks in garbage cans at major sporting events? I understand the author does not want this think piece on a tragedy to be just another think piece on a tragedy where he/she tells people to pray, or “stop and think,” but one should offer links for action instead of just saying the word “action.”
Now the last paragraph. And honestly, though I’m sure the author is a fine person, this one made me nauseous.