Let me start by saying that I’m sorry if you just recently got dumped by your partner. Actually, I’m not because I don’t even know you. I was just being polite. But, this will likely be a good thing for you, even if you don’t realize it. If you’re a human being who hasn’t been lobotomized, you’ll feel the sting of rejection and suffer the grief of a lost relationship. But, in the end, it’s a positive. Here’s why:
1. It will humble you.
Being a rejectee can humble you like nothing else in this world. Your self-esteem will be put to the test. Some people need to experience this to bring them down a level or fifty. I know a lot of people who need a good kick in the ego. A sense of humility is a very likeable quality; meanwhile, nobody likes arrogance. Undoubtedly, the best way to feel empathy for others who are going through difficulty in their personal lives is by experiencing loss yourself.
2. You’ll be emotionally stronger.
If your pre-existing insecurities were exposed by a crushing rejection, you’ll build a wall and be more cautious in your future personal relationships. This is your body’s way of protecting you. You’ll be less naïve and a bit more judgmental. This is how humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years. By using good judgment; by not believing everything you’re told. Being emotionally guarded is a good thing. Make someone earn your love; don’t just give it away. Your love is a prize. It’s a luxury that not everybody can afford. And, if your self-esteem was low to begin with, well, you need time to work on that issue without putting your value in the hands of someone else.
3. You’ll be guilt-free.
The rejectee has no reason to feel guilt for the breakup. The cliché is true: it’s him/her, not you. Of course, this point assumes that you did nothing stupid to cause the breakup. If you did, you probably deserved to get dumped and skip ahead to number 3. But, as the rejectee, you don’t have to bear the burden of someone’s grief, which, in my experience, is a far worse feeling than being rejected. Do you really want to be the cause of someone’s emotional pain and suffering? Do you want to have to break someone’s heart and brace yourself for impact? That’s the worst part. A rejectee merely has to listen. Let your partner suffer through an uncomfortable diatribe as to why the relationship is ending. I love that part. You can blame them and move on, guilt-free. (Tip: If you want out of a relationship but want to alleviate guilt, make your partner believe it’s his or her idea to end it.)
4. You’ll learn from your mistakes.
Nothing causes more self-introspection than getting dumped. You can examine your actions in the relationship and become a better partner in your future relationships. Did you not listen enough? Were you selfish? Could you have been a better partner? Despite what most people are prone to believe, it’s unlikely that you could have changed the outcome. It was probably inevitable. But, even if you did something stupid, like got caught cheating, you can see the suffering that a bad action can cause and make sure it never happens again. Simple behavioral conditioning. You can avoid pain by stopping the action. Plus, you should’ve never been in that relationship in the first place, and, you should give your former partner credit for having the strength to kick you to the curb. You deserved it. Now, learn from it and move on.
5. Emotional pain is good.
Well, sometimes it is. It can inspire you to change yourself and your life. Certainly, it can also cause depression and self-abusive behavior, like binge drinking and drug usage. But, in general, when we feel pain, we go into self-preservation mode and try to remedy the cause. You can use that pain to get up and move. Take action. Lose the weight you gained because you got lazy. See a therapist to talk through your childhood trauma. Get together with the friends you ditched because of your new love. They’ll mock you for a while, but, if they’re really your friends, they’ll help you through your transition. Basically, getting dumped is the great motivator.
6. Change is good.
Most people fall into a mindless routine after a certain period of time with one person. Unless you had the best relationship that has ever existed (and some people actually believe this after a breakup), you will be exposed to many new opportunities in your life after getting rejected. You can watch the games with the guys on Sundays without guilt. You can shop all day without guilt. You can travel to see family and friends. You can explore new places and people. That’s a big one. Exploring new people. Dating, with all of its discomfort, can be a wild ride. I have story after story of my dating life, some hilarious, some ridiculous. But, when it works, having sex with someone new is a gift. Thank your ex for that.
Yes, I’ve been the recipient of many rejections. Some, I have meticulously planned. Others, I deserved. But, they have all made me a better person, and, I’m very thankful to be out of all those relationships. I understand that most people will not realize that a breakup is good for a while. You need time to grieve. You just suffered a loss; a friendship, a lover, a partner in life. But, weeks, months, or years later, you’ll see the upside. Being dumped is good. Your future partners will certainly agree.