The truth of the matter is that heartbreak will be painful no matter how strong you are emotionally, and it can change you in ways you can’t possibly imagine. In fact, heartbreaks can start wars, cause death, and break a person permanently. If Helen can cause the destruction of Troy, and Ferdinand Marcos can forever change the course of a country because of that all-powerful force we call love, then why do we love at all? Much has been said about heartbreak and how it is something we need to avoid at all costs, but is pain the only thing we learn from such a catastrophic experience?
I got my heart broken recently, and I’m not so sure that pain is the only thing we can take from it. So here are the ten things I learned from giving the other person full control over shattering my heart.
1. No matter how much love we give, even in high doses, we can never demand that it be given back to us in the same form or with the same intensity and depth. Because really, love should be given freely and without expectation.
2. Falling in love is often not a choice, but to continue to love someone after you have seen how ugly love can get and how complicated relationships can be is a decision. It is a commitment that we actively put at the center of our love story.
3. And yet, even when they leave, all we can ever really do is respect their decision and pray to God that they really are genuinely happy and hope that life be kind to them.
4. Because you know what? Getting your heart broken is a consequence of their decision to chase happiness, and to be happy is something we all really hope for the person we love.
5. Never ever assume that leaving is easy for the one who left.
6. It is high time we realize that often, love is the reason for someone’s departure from your life. They love you enough for them to acknowledge that you deserve a love so strong, so sincere that you will understand why the human race has yet to measure the power of love. They love you enough to recognize that you deserve a hundred percent, not their 10, not their 20, and not even their 90.
7. I understand how easy it is to hate the person who broke your heart, and by all means, do so, but learn to forgive. At a certain point in time, your paths will cross again, and when they do, I hope you have forgiven them already, because believe it or not, they also probably had a difficult time forgiving themselves
8. Getting the short end of the stick is heart-wrenching, but remember that while it hurts now and it will probably hurt for a while, you had some of the best moments of your life with the other person. And for that, be thankful and happy that you were able to create wonderful and extraordinary memories together. As the cliché goes, don’t cry that it ended, smile because it happened.
9. Believe that eventually you will find that one person who will stay. Believe that love actually is a renewable force. It is capable of coming back alive after every argument, after every fight, after every disappointment, and that given the proper mix in its right time, it can stay for a lifetime, or even beyond.
10. And for that, I hope you don’t let a heartbreak change you in a bad way. Sure, give yourself time to heal, and evaluate yourself on how you were during the relationship, but never let the great things in you and about you disappear or be transformed into a dirty mix of hate, regret, and fear. But if you must change, do so in a way that you will become a better lover, but above all, be the best person you can be. Be the person you would want yourself to date.
And finally, never hate love. One day, all the love you have sent out to the universe will find its way back to you, and when it does, you will understand why every heartbreak had to happen. For me, I believe that everything is worth it.