I sit at the edge of my bed, clutching my phone, waiting for a text from him. It isn’t just this day. I’ve been waiting for days, even weeks, for him to get back to me. For him to give me an explanation, or at the very least, a sign that it is really over. But nope, nothing. Not a hint, a sign, much less an explanation. So I wait, and wait, until I have to assume for myself that it is over.
How does that make you feel? How does it feel to not be worth it to someone? To not be worth even an explanation on why things turned out the way they did?
Sure, I have accepted that things have ended, and that the both of us are never going to be able to work things out again. But why can’t things have ended nicely? Why can’t you provide an explanation for us to have closure? Why do you have to leave things hanging?
I don’t have an explanation or a reason for why he did what he did. All I know is that I wasn’t worth an explanation to him. I tried to work things out but he wasn’t even trying.
He never even gave a damn about my feelings, so why was I surprised that he didn’t bother to give me an explanation?
He just walked out of my life, leaving me dumbfounded, leaving me lost, leaving me out of control of my own emotions.
When he leaves without an explanation, that’s when your self-esteem hits its biggest low. That’s when you began to doubt everything you thought you knew, everyone you thought you trusted.
I realized that I wasn’t worth the truth. Yes, the truth hurts. Yes, he may have decided to be with some other girl. Yes, he may have lost feelings for me. But, he didn’t tell me any of that. There wasn’t even an excuse, not even a lie, not even one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of copouts. The worst part is, not only am I not worth the truth – I wasn’t even worth a lie. How is that supposed to make me feel?
How does it feel to not be worth an explanation? It feels horrible. It feels devastating, you feel repulsive about yourself that someone like you wasn’t even worth a reason. You fight hard with yourself to get closure, but it’s impossible. But you fight through the pain anyway, because that’s what you do when someone tells you that you are not worth an explanation.
You have the right to leave someone. But at least let them know, because the only thing worse than being left is being left without an explanation.