The Lifesaving Dating Advice I Would Give To The 20-Year-Old Version Of Me

A 20-year-old boy
Unsplash / Justin Chen

Stop trying to impress people.

When I was younger I felt like I had something to prove. I tried desperately to impress people. For others to like me, I felt like I had to behave a certain way.

For example, if I was funny enough people would approve of me. Or if I was mean to girls they would find me more attractive. The problem with all that is rather than seeking validation from the most important source — ourselves — we seek it from others. This can lead to a major identity crisis later down the road if we continue to behave in ways only to get the approval of others.

Be honest.

Telling the truth takes balls. Or tits if you’re a woman. Either way, having the courage to tell someone what you truly think is risky business and may result in getting punched in the face or worst. But in most cases, people will just frown and scoff at us if speaking our truth challenges their concept of reality.

Remember it’s all a matter of perception so being authentic simply means you’re sharing your point of view. The right woman will find this incredibly attractive and if she’s single she might just be further inclined to get to know you better if you show her that you’re honest.

It doesn’t mean you’re without flaws or that what you say doesn’t offend people, but if you’re speaking from the heart, who the hell cares what others think of you. Self-respect is worth more in my opinion than the admiration and respect of others. You will learn this as you get older.

Have courage.

Sometimes the fear of rejection will stop us dead in our tracks. What if she doesn’t kiss me back? What if I try to hold her hand and she gives me a look of disgust? What if this… what if that…

It’s okay to feel nervous around a woman that you feel a powerful attraction for. Part of being an attractive man is to feel that fear and follow your instincts, wherever they may lead. If you feel like she’s ready to be kissed — believe me, a part of you will always know — then kiss her!

Always pay attention to body language, especially the eyes. What’s the worst that can happen? She pulls back and so what?! You take a step back, you brush your shoulders off and you laugh at yourself. That’s a learning experience and if you’re at least smarter than a fifth grader you’ll know what to do for next time.

Take your time.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve rushed into relationships with women simply because I thought that was what I was supposed to do after sleeping with them.

But it’s not always the reality. Maybe you’re at a stage in your life where you just want to explore and get to know the opposite sex more. That’s okay. Be honest with yourself and admit that you want to fool around for a while.

It’s good to get some experience under your belt. Dating different types of women will help you decide ultimately what kind of woman you will want to have a long-term relationship with.

What do you want? What kind of relationship would suit you best at the moment? What kind of woman are you looking for?

Get to know yourself.

This may be the most important piece of advice. If you don’t know who you truly are, all your relationships will be based on a lie.

I can tell you based on personal experience from having been in several long-term relationships, that if you are not absolutely clear on what you want, your relationships will inevitably collapse.

A strong and healthy relationship is built on a foundation of truth. Take the time to know what you want out of life. Go out there and explore. Travel some, fall flat on your face a couple times.

Get your heart broken. Take risks and approach women you are attracted to and let them know how you feel. What kind of life do you want to live? Who are you? Where are you going? Get clear on your intentions. Be brave. Have courage. Build self-esteem and create a life that you are truly proud of and happy to live.

If you work on yourself first and concentrate all your desire and sexual energy on building a beautiful life, the right woman will literally waltz into your life one day when you’re ready. And in that moment, you will be ready to seize everything you’ve ever wanted because you’ve made it a habit to live life to the fullest. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A renaissance man in the making.

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