To The Girl He Loved Before Me

Flickr / Chiara Cremaschi
Flickr / Chiara Cremaschi

The day we met is no more as special as any ordinary day. There were no sparks nor music in the air. It was simple, plain, like complete strangers crossing paths and knowing they would never meet again. I’ve always thought of it that way though something about him, at that exact moment, was really strange.

Right then and there, I know he’s broken. Contrary to what others might have expected, I never tried to console him, even when I know now that he needed it. Believe me, I wish I did. I wish I had the courage back then to come up to him and say “Hi”. Maybe things would have been different. We went our own ways as if nothing happened, as if we never met. But, fate has its own plan, made our paths cross again, and this time, we became friends.

Cutting the long story short, I fell in love with him. And I would like to believe so was he. I made myself believe he’s over you after everything he had been through to forget. I know your story. I know your history.

But I never truly know you. I wish I’m writing this to make you bitter, to make you realize what you’ve lost. How I wish I could tell you how much he loves me and brag about how happy he is with me. You are his first and great love and heartbreak, and believe me, up until now, I could see what that heartbreak did to him. Of course, I could never tell you what kind of a boyfriend he is because he was yours first. He is your first love and a big part of him would always and only be yours. No. Time can never change or take that. It was a really painful realization that for most of the moments we shared is just a repetition of what the two of you had.

No doubt your relationship was something to be envied. That is why it is no longer surprising how you managed to make all your friends common to the two of you. Yes. You are part of each other’s group. Your friends would love it if the two of you get back together.

You know as well as I do he’s not yet truly over you. He still misses you. I know you miss him a lot too. and sometimes, when we’re together, I can see it in his eyes that he’s secretly hoping that it is still you. Sometimes, I catch him thinking how much I remind him of you. Don’t get me wrong. He is a nice guy. He tries his best to hide it even if he miserably fails. I have many things I want to say to you. I’m not going to ask you to stay away from him because I know he’ll be sad about it. All I want is for him to be happy. You have no idea how insecure I am with you, or how lucky I think you are to be his first and great love and heartbreak.

There is no point in wishing that it was me instead of you because what is done could never be undone. I hope you know what you have let go. He is not perfect, he has his own flaws. Sometimes, he could be really difficult. You’ll have misunderstandings and arguments. You’ll have disagreements and sometimes, you’ll say really hurtful words to each other. He finds it difficult to apologize, and cringe about cheezy things. He’ll hate you for wanting to watch romantic movies and drama and you’ll hate him for his cool boy attitude and machismo. You’ll hate the way he avoids public display of affection or the way he doesn’t open the door for you. You’ll hate how naive he is about ways of gentleman or how to dress up like a man. He would push you away and make you jealous. Like I said, he is not perfect. But I know you’ll agree with me, he is worth it. Totally.

He is real and you loved him much for that. You love how the way he looks at you and tells you how much he loves you and you feel like melting. He knows how to make your head spin with his kiss, or to make butterflies in your stomach turn when he wraps you in his arms. And as you are reading this, you realize how much you miss him, his smell, or the feel of his hand on yours. You know I’m telling the truth when I say you still love him too. All I’m asking is if you love him still, fight for him. I know you’re happy now with your current boyfriend and he is everything your ex (now my babe) is not. However, deep down you want him back. The way you act around him says so though you kept denying it. You make him see you are perfectly happy but I catch you with those longing eyes. He always dream about you, and I know even when he loves me, he loves you more. So fight for him.

I love him as much as you do. I love him for all he is and he is not. I want to love him more than you do, more than you showed him you did. I love him so much I’ve accepted the fact he would never love me the way he loved you. Mine would always be less. And I know I could never replace you in his heart. I am okay with that. I love him even when I would never be enough. I love him even if I have to wait. And even when it hurts too much, I love him more than much. What the two of you had was incomparable. And I could never top that. But ever since you walked away and let him go, and he partly became mine, the story of the two of you ended there. But mine is just barely beginning. And trust me with this: given the chances, I don’t have plans in having an ending because unlike you, I would never choose to let him go. TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus