I’m caught in a self-perpetuating cycle of depression. I’m lonely, but I can’t go out to meet anyone because I have no-one to go with because I’m lonely, but I can’t…
And I know a lot of it is mental — I could easily reach out to old friends, or even going straight to jumping into the deep end and start living life wouldn’t be too terrible, really. But that requires effort and risk, and being miserable is a lot easier, if a lot more painful too.
I intentionally try a little less than I could, to save myself the embarrassment of failure by trying my best.
Being lazy and unmotivated.
For me it’s really just procrastination of anything involving a phone call. If I can send an e-mail or take care of it myself, I’ll do it right away. If I have to call someone about something I put it off for as long as I can.
I drink. A lot. I haven’t been sober for more than 24 hours in almost a year.
6. Nail biting.
I bite my nails.
It’s bad for my teeth, my nails, my fingers, and especially the floor.
Staying up all night after my evening shift. I’ll sleep in till 2pm and have only really an hour before I have to go back to work again.
I eat enormous piles of sugar every day and do no exercise.
A general disinterest for other people’s company. If I’m in a group I often end up thinking I’d rather be at home/alone even though I can socialize just fine. Problem is it’s causing me to push everyone away even though deep down I’d want to hang out.
So I want to socialize without having to socialize…
Over-thinking. By over-thinking I create problems for myself that I didn’t have to begin with.
I befriend people who are destructive because I want to help them but all I end up doing is getting hurt and destroyed. I know they push everyone away by hurting them and whatnot but my hope is that they will let me in and let me help them.
Eating out of boredom.
I get way too emotionally involved with a person way too early on. And then when she inevitably blows me off, it makes me horribly depressed for days. I know I’m just setting myself up for disappointment, but I can’t help it. If someone confirms a plan, I get my hopes up that they will follow through with it.
I am basically the definition of self destruction. Enough brains to do well in school? Let’s skip so much we don’t graduate. Lots of people compliment my good looks? Treat body like shit. Find a number of women who legit care about me? Let’s treat them like shit too. Make lots of extra money? Let’s become an alcoholic and a cocaine addict. You name it and I’ve fucked it up, all the opportunities in my life I’ve been handed I just wasted. Family that loves me, barley talk to them. I can’t have anything nice, I don’t even like living somewhere for longer than 6 months. My personal motto now is “Burn the candle at both ends until there’s nothing left.” I don’t know why, I’ve got a pretty great life as of lately, there was a question on Reddit earlier about being mentally prepared for death, I’m not just mentally prepared I can’t fucking wait!
Smoking weed, It doesn’t lead me to be irresponsible or lazy, but it has become the thing I look forward to the most. I used to be stoked to go to a party, or on an adventure, but now I just really want to get home and smoke a J.
Buffalo Bills fan.
I have had a victim mentality my entire life and I can’t seem to fix it.
If I had to pick only one, I would say my tendency to avoid other people. It’s gotten slightly better in recent years, but I still catch myself going to ridiculous lengths just to avoid having to interact with someone. The end result is a social circle that consists only of exes I’ve stayed on friendly terms with, along with as many local friends as you can count on one hand with a few missing fingers.
And then when I do make an effort to talk to people, I realize that my social skills have withered away and feel completely awkward.