This Is How To Make Phone Sex As Good As The Real Thing (If Not Better)

It can start with a simple question like: “What are you wearing?” Other times it starts with a focus on breathing or a loving, but stern, command. And sometimes it starts with a simple “hello” and an ordinary conversation.

No matter how it begins, once it’s underway you’d better hope you have unlimited minutes. If you’re having phone sex, there’s no telling how long the call will last or how hot and bothered you’ll get.

If you’re feeling even the least bit weird about spicing up your airwaves, know that a survey by Cosmopolitan said that 85 percent of guys would like their girl to give it to them good—over the phone.

But your partner’s participation isn’t the key to enjoying phone sex — you are.

Phone sex is popular for a myriad of reasons. Number one, it’s safe. You literally talk your way to a place where you want to touch yourself. No protection needed. Phone fornication can also be intensely intimate and it can bring you and your partner together even when you’re on separate coasts or in different countries.

Good phone sex requires trust as much as it requires a good signal. Have faith that the person on the other end of the line won’t laugh at you. Once you establish trust you can enjoy sex with your most powerful sex organ — the brain. And once you’re using your noodle, phone sex can be some of the most connected lovin’ you have.

“It may seem ‘disconnected’ when you first pick up the phone, but the intensity of talking into someone’s ear and listening to their confidences will soon have you completely oblivious to your surroundings,” says Susie Bright sexpert and author of X: The Erotic Treasury. “Pretty soon you’ll be one of those people who say, with utter seriousness, that ‘phone sex is some of the best sex I’ve ever had.'”

Even if what you talk about stays in the realm of fantasy forever, connecting aurally allows you a freedom you may not get at other times in your relationship.

“Phone sex can be a great way to experience your deepest fantasies without trying to do things that might be logistically difficult or impossible,” says Ellie Lumpesse, a professional phone sex operator and blogger. “I’ve had clients with fantasies about sex in outer space or sex with giants. A skilled partner or phone sex provider will be able to help you create this vivid fantasy in your mind and really enjoy ‘living’ your fantasy.”

Fantasy doesn’t only apply to doing it in other galaxies either. Lumpesse, who started having phone sex before she lost her virginity, adds, “Phone sex is a great venue for really off-the-wall or taboo topics. You can use this to explore fantasies that you may think of as too racy to role play in person.”

So what can you do to enhance the experience and get comfortable giving aural? For starters, do what you’d normally do when you first get on the phone.

“Phone sex comes more naturally when you start off the call naturally — lights on, clothes on, TV in the background, etc., but, as time goes on, lights are turned off, clothes are shed and then you get to the main event,” says phone sex operator Sindy St. James.

“It’s helpful to have a casual conversation that turns erotic,” advises Amy Levine, sex coach, certified sexuality educator and founder of Sexedsolutions. “To make the transition, at some point during the conversation switch to a sexy topic like asking what they think about phone sex, or by sharing a fantasy.”

And after you get comfortable and in the groove, “You don’t have to start swearing like a sailor,” adds Bright. “Ask leading questions. Listen. Use euphemisms to make you both squirm. It’s not four-letter words that make or break a phone call.”

While you may limit the swearing (unless it’s your thing) one thing you shouldn’t limit are details. The more explicit and the more specific, the better your call will go.

“Don’t just say something like, ‘When you come home, I will be waiting to take you into the bedroom,’ ” says St. James. “Describe every single thing. When you are talking about what you want done to you, instead of saying ‘I love being licked, say exactly where and how you like it done.'”

While you’re busy getting down with the details remember that when it comes to phone sex, sound matters.

“Definitely use language you are already comfortable with,” adds Lumpesse. “Use your voice and your body as tools of seduction. Most partners will be really turned on by the sound of your breathing or moans, or even the sounds your body is making while you touch yourself.”

Once you get all comfy and cozy and you’re getting your groove on, phone sex requires Q&A.

“Good phone sex is like a game of tennis,” says St. James, who’s also written How to Get Her to Watch Porn, Have Anal Sex, and Call Her Best Friend for a Threesome: What it Takes to Build a Trusting (and Fun) Sexual Relationship. “It’s a constant back-and-forth and give-and-take. Be descriptive, but then ask a question to allow your partner to take over. After painting a vivid vision of how you would kiss your partner from head to lower body, ask, ‘How do you want me to use the tip of my tongue?'”

By asking questions and providing answers, phone sex can make you a better lover. It teaches you both how to give direction and how to receive it.

If opening your mouth, and letting words fly doesn’t really sit well with you, Bright shares this idea for fun aural sex. “Read something you find really hot over the phone… a bedtime story, so to speak.”

Whether you learn to talk the talk, or simply find it easier to read other people’s words, phone sex is a great way to reach out and touch someone when you can’t actually feel their skin pressed up against yours. So let your mouth do the talking and your fingers do the walking, and see what buttons you press.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.