1. Movie Love Doesn’t Exist
I see all these pieces about “good relationships” and “how to tell they are the one” online and most of them are utter bull. They are all based off of every Nicholas Sparks movie and popular RomCom that has ever been released. News flash: That kind of love isn’t real. It’s fiction. Those movies exist to show us a fantasy. An unachievable dream. So we need to stop searching for the sensitive-yet-manly guy and the manic-pixie-dream girl because they are about as real as Santa.
2. Hopeless Romanticism Isn’t Cute…
It’s sad. Unrequited love and the idea that your soulmate is out there, just waiting for you to show up, is stupidly laughable for anyone over the age of 18. When I was 17, me and my boyfriend had matching HIM “In love and death” rings because we were like so in love, you guys. And looking back- it’s embarrassing. And yet, I still see people in their mid-twenties acting that way. All I can do is shake my head at those people.
3. Making Someone Your Whole Life Isn’t Healthy
Are you so uncomfortable with your own life that you need to make your life about someone else? Perhaps that’s something you should address before you get into your next relationship, because that’s not healthy. That’s codependence.
4. Having Someone on Your Mind All the Time Isn’t Love…
It’s obsession. It’s great to have someone you like to talk to about all the things, but if they are the only ones you want to talk to and you want to talk to them all the time and share every little detail and story in your life with them, that’s crazy. Legit cray cray. Crazier than that run-on sentence. And you should probably talk to someone about your obsessive nature. (Unless you’re a write, because writers, by nature, are obsessive. In which case: carry on.)
5. Unconditional Love Isn’t Real
Ideal, unconditional, romantic love requires that you deny reality and therefore cannot exist in any sort of healthy relationship. It goes against human nature to not attach conditions to situations. So let’s just stop trying to fool ourselves. There is no possible way to maintain a healthy relationship with someone when you are forced to deny reality, and/or you are obsessive and codependent. My advice is to learn to love being by yourself. You should not need someone else to make you complete. Accept the reality that you have created. Then find someone that you can love- not unconditionally, but in spite of the conditions you or they may impose. Conditions are natural and they shouldn’t be discounted as bad because they require you to make some compromises and *shudder* even some sacrifices. We aren’t all in a Disney princess movie (which were very good examples of different kinds of abusive relationships). Grow up and learn to love like an adult. Because science.