1. We ride (insert barnyard animal here) to school/work/funerals/etc.
This is mostly false. I mean, sometimes we ride our horses around town — and there is a law that requires public schools to care for them while in class in a lot of small towns, but have you ever tried riding a cow or goat? It’s nearly impossible. Cows are too stubborn to move and goats just want to eat your clothes!
2. We don’t have indoor plumbing
New-fangled flushing toilets are pretty new to me. I had to hike 50 feet from my wood cabin to pee till I was 10 years old and If I was lucky, I would have the crap scared out of me before I even got to the outhouse by a mountain lion or a bear. But in all seriousness, my hot water heater sucks.
3. We still use dial-up
Do you really think anyone under the age of 70 really has the patience for dial-up any more? Wifi hot spots are few and far between (and 4G? yeah right. Maybe next year), but I’d rather go hiking in the middle of winter in my undies than use dial-up again.
4. We fly places on geese
To misquote Monty Python for my own purposes: How can a 10 pound goose carry a 100 pound person?
5. We still use candles as lights
I guess this is along the lines as the indoor plumbing. Just because most rural areas are dark in google maps doesn’t mean we can’t light the place up when we need to- but usually we just use our apocalyptic forest fires to light the house- no use in wasting precious candles.
6. We are all narrow-minded bigots
Granted my state does consistently go red in national elections, the college towns tend to be more forward-thinking. I met more drag queens while I was in college than I did when I went to the east village. Just because most of us know how to kill our own food doesn’t mean we don’t also agree that all people should be equal regardless of race, creed, sex, gender, sexual preference or religion.
7. We all talk like hillbillies:
Well y’all, I’m sick an’ tired of hearin’ this one. But really, I do have a bit of a drawl (which I’d like to think is endearing and not moronic), but I most of us speak just as well, if not better than the more civilized parts of the country. Our lives here may be just a bit slower paced than people who live in cities, but we get along just fine. In fact, a lot of us would like to go back to a simpler time that is closer to the assumptions we hear how we live. You can lead a person to wifi, but you can’t make them turn into video-zombies. I’d take fresh air and a cool mountain breeze over my smart phone any day. Except Fridays- that’s when ANTM is on.